I was gone from February till the end of September... So many memories left undocumented. So many key events unrecorded. Only pictures become my sole evidence that I have lived. Yes, I have been living mind you. Living life like barnacles on the edges of rocks, awaiting my fate each time the tide comes high.
I am not about to fill anyone what sort of events have happened in my life thus far, only that I am to start life a new and in a few month's time insya-allah in a whole new environment. *winks*
I try to excite myself with all these thoughts sometimes, but you get sucked in by your distant past. And you wonder sometimes whether you should even welcome this past of yours back. Would it make things any better?
But I try hard to make myself busy and happy. Refusing to recall a month of anguish. I try. Really I do. *sigh to no avail sometimes.
Dalam laut dapat diduga, Dalam hati siapa yang tahu.
*Shuffles to the room...
What am I going to do now? Well, I have a blanket, a torchlight, no biscuits (I'm fasting remember?), my laptop, my book (Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert) and a 'No Disturb Sign' neatly pasted on my blanket with two flimsy tape.
So what are you planning to do?
I am just going to hide myself under my blanket, finish up blogging and read my book. I refuse to care about the world's events when my life itself is a civil war between my mind and heart.
And mummy comes in to the room...
Mummy: Along can you help me...
Me: No mummy. I have helped the world enough today. I'm no superman. Along want to read book. Look at the sign! What did it say?
Mummy: It says if you are not going to help me, I am not going to buy you that brooch!
See what happens. Such a beautiful Mother and Son relationship. The power to authorise. The power to threat. Mimin lost the battle, yet again...
I've loved you each day since we began. And when you left I continue to love even when there was no hope...
