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.:: The Writer ::.




.:: Him ::.

Soultari
Dancer, Lover, Brother
Commander, Teacher
Dreamer
22nd April 1986
......


.:: Grumples ::.





.:: My favourite ::.

Loves Allah.
Loves Dance.
Loves Family.
Loves Cousins.
Loves The Bitches.
Loves Dancemates.
Loves Unique Maju.
Loves SNT.
Loves P.S.
Loves Dian.Dancers.
Loves Starbucks.
Loves Film.
Loves To Be Loved.
Loves You.


.:: My hatred ::.

Detest Falsehoods.
Detest War Fanatics.
Detest To Be Hurt.
Detest Being Alone.
Detest Nosy Parkers.
Detest You.





.:: Links ::.







.:: My Past ::.


|November 2007|

|December 2007|

|January 2008|

|September 2008|

|October 2008|

|November 2008|

|December 2008|

|February 2009|

|March 2009|

|April 2009|

|May 2009|


Friday, October 31, 2008
Of Being A Rebel & Repeated Mistakes

Observe a child as he/she grows up and count the number of times he/she repeats the same mistake. Cautioned him of treacherous waters and yet he steps deeper. Warned her how hot the kettle was and she persists on touching it. Warned them of the consequences of playing in the rain, they apologise with puppy-looking faces only when they end up in bed with high fever.

I believe all of us know this rebel. It lives within everyone of us. As young adults we are not excused of becoming preys to our own curiosity and needs to rebel. Have you ever wondered why we fall into the same cycle? We keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again. We fall in love with the same person even when the love ends us back in square 1. We are no strangers to this repeated cycle.

Then what does the saying, "A burnt child dreads fire" or "Once Bitten Twice Shy" even mean to us?

Personally I believe its very HUMAN to go through a multitude of situations and ask ourselves yet again, "When have I been through this before ..."
We are so comfortable going through the dramatic sequence again, the pain feels like a pinch.

But its the sweet rebellion I find intriguing. We keep telling ourselves we do not want to be in the same situation but Lo and Behold we are in it all over again. This entry comes as a recent realisation of my past love stories. Read all my 9 blogs and laughed at every episode in my tween days. I realise when it comes to love... I keep going back into the cycle. I fall in love, fell too deep, needed too much, expectations not met and I end up alone.

Speaking of expectations not met, have you ever wanted something so badly and after much hinting to your lover, there was no action and you end up buying it by yourself. It happened to a particular individual:

Girl: B, can you buy me a flower?

Boy: What for? Waste money. Buy also will die eventually.

Girl: Sighs

(A few days later)

Girl saw a beautiful rose and decides to buy it herself. She meets her boyfriend.

Girl: Sayang can you hold this rose for me...

BOY holds the rose. Clueless

Girl: Awww is that for me sayang? You are so sweet. Thank you.

Girl takes the rose from the boy.

We resort to such extremes do we? hehe. Pity...

Back to the drawing board. Need to get out of the cycle...

Mimin's Current Thought:
I am a working individual now.

Mimin's Missing:
Secondary School Mates

Mimin's Praying For:
Baby DD & Curly


| 10/31/2008 01:10:00 AM |


Monday, October 27, 2008
Of Forgiveness and Mending Ties

This act of forgiveness we Muslims inculcate during Hari Raya, and preferably in our daily lives, is a great way to strengthen ties and mend severed relationships.

During my recent Dian Hari Raya outing, I realise a change in myself that I never knew was imminent. I was no longer just Amin, I had suited myself in the role of a senior and an older brother.

Back at home, I've always tried to push away my responsiblilities as a brother. Afraid of all the obligations that comes with the role. I am never perfect you know. I was just worried I never fitted the role. I thought wrong.

The convivial day had to end with tears. A norm for us because the finale was a session of seeking forgiveness from one another. But what made it even special was when one by one of the young'uns humbly came forward to the seniors and carried out the age-old tradition of asking forgiveness for their shortcomings.

For those who know me, such acts never make me succumb to my emotions. My absence during previous outings has made me a greenhorn to such melodramatic acts. But there is always a first for everything.

I cried. I cried because of the times I was hurt by individuals. I cried because those individuals choose to plead guilty and seek forgiveness. I cried because of the things I used to say. I cried because I have indeed said things that could break one's heart. I cried because I love all those who have loved me. I cried because there is hope in mending severed ties.

I was pretty honest with my thoughts and I am glad the air has been cleared for many. I realise how much people have grown and how different I am today. I guess we will never realise our mistakes or the capacity of words until someone points it out.

As of yesterday, in practising this act of forgiving others and allowing others to forgive us makes feel lighter. Lighter? I feel as if past grudges and disdain towards others have vanished and made space for me to care and love others even more.

Hari Raya will end in two days time. I hope friends and family have forgiven me for all my wrongdoings and in return I want to say that I have definitely find it in myself to forgive every single one of you.

I leave you with this quote from Grey's Anatomy:


"Forgive and forget. That’s what they say. It’s good advice, but it’s not very practical. When someone hurts us, we want to hurt them back. When someone wrongs us, we want to be right. Without forgiveness, old scores are never settled… old wounds never heal. And the most we can hope for, is that one day we’ll be lucky enough to forget".

Oh and Shikin my Maaf Zahir Batin speeches to you are sincere ok!!! Akusepakkau.

Mimin's Current Thought:
I never meant to hurt you. I mean every single thing I said to you. You take precedence over any that I have ever fell in love with. It hurts me to see you cry. Please forgive me.

Mimin's Missing:
Kak Hani Diva. Endang Rahayu. Salai.

Mimin's Praying For:
Ajit.
Casey and mr Senget y2KS


| 10/27/2008 05:33:00 PM |


Saturday, October 25, 2008
Of Handphones & Contingency Plans

I had to resort to conventional ways of contacting someone yesterday. Silly mimin forgot to bring his Handphone. As much as I felt relieve from the habit of checking my Nokia every second of the day, I felt naked. Yes. Honestly my handphone has become a piece of clothing. It is no longer a privilege its a necessity for me to survive in this backbiting world.

Suddenly coins took precedence over everything else. Public phones took back its throne after giving way to its modern counterparts, the Handphone. And I had to use the orange public phone at a provision shop with an old-school ambience. I felt I was transported to my younger days when I would use one of these phones to call my mum from the market and make her explain how a 'Terong' (Brinjal) looks like. haha.

But I survived. Haha. I think we are so use living with all these technology we forget how different it was without it.

From the incident Im planning to have a coin pouch handy, buy a phonecard and a little contact book. Cannot rely too much on the technological benefit got to be prepared if anything happens.

Mimin's Current Thought:
113 days. Once it becomes a two digit, the path that looms before me becomes clearer and define.

Mimin's Missing:
Melvyn. Nadira. Kabetha. Azi.

Mimin's Praying for:
Kak Suhada. To have ample rest.
Yan & Yana for the love they have for each other.
Kak Nurul. 25th Birthday.


| 10/25/2008 12:53:00 PM |


Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Of A Dissing Entry & Conflicts Of Marriage

I believe indeed that marriage is a Bonus bestowed upon us humans by God Almighty for the sole purpose of pro-creating. And many other benefits which includes Halal Pleasure, eternal bliss and a satisfaction that you know you are fulfilling one of many God's 'MUST'. If we are lucky and we do it right our children will take good care of us.

To me it takes alot of courage to disagree with the ideals of marriage. And he/she musn't be judged for having his/her opinion. Instead try to look at it in his/her perspective and the reasons why he/she disagrees with the idea. Maybe the individual has gone through too much in her childhood and have seen how marriages fail. Is the fear that lingers within that scares the shit out of her. And instead of dissing, sympathise with her. Who knows she is actually giving you an alternative view.

Why is it when people want to win in a conversation they bring religion and in this case Islamic jurisdiction. Why? Is it because with every utterance of religion, people quiver.

Listen here. Don't you dare bring in Islamic principles when the sight and pictures of you kissing your boyfriend is placed so publicly for everyone to see. Girlfriend get yourself together first before you ask my sister to get her act proper.

Mimin feels that it is a waste of time for people who disregard other people's perspective to even live in this world.

Like I say, the person who disregard you was never a friend in the first place and she must not have lived in warzone at home. Alhamdullillah, good for you if you have loving parents but not every one is as well off as you honey.

But thanks yeah for giving a clearer insight of how shallow people like you view life.

Much Love,
A far greater DIVA.


-----------------------------

I'm irked at how people blatantly speak out against something and once confronted they scurry to hide like hermit crabs.

I got your back Amalina Sam.

Mimin's Current Update:
Paid the first semester's fee. Can't believe I am going through with this.

Mimin's Thank You:
To Sis Syiqin for refering me to a temporary job. (I Got it!)
To AyuSayuBayu for her prayers.

Mimin's Missing:
My Besties


| 10/22/2008 01:05:00 AM |


Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Of Eat,Pray,Love & Finding A Spot

When one finds difficulty in searching for an area to contemplate and update his/her blog, he/she should go around the whole house to find the most suitable place.

That was what I did.

I lugged my laptop and the bulky charger practically all over the house and finally found a spot in my dining room. It wasn't really bursting with positive energy but it had space. Here I am surrounded by flowers. Why? Because my dining room's table cloth is all so flowery and a matching cabinet cloth can be found just adjacent to it. The curtains of the dining room is bright pink and my walls are a soothing green. What makes it even great, sunlight seaps through the transparent curtains and it is neither too bright or too dim. Just right. So here I am... engulfed by its warmth and postive aura.

Eat, Pray & Love has been a blessing in disguise. I know reading about a woman's trials and tribulations after her divorce and separation from her young lover doesn't really consider it blessing but it is just how someone manages to heal from all her ordeal that fascinates me.

She travelled to Italy to firstly learn Italian and find pleasure. She found pleasure through food. Her detailed descriptions of Pizzas and Pastas just makes my tummy go wild. She embarked on a journey straight after that to India. There she would live in an Ashram and learn from a guru how to meditate and find peace within herself. That journey found her meditating to a whole new parallel universe and her consistency eventually paid off once she found peace within herself. Her journey to Bali, Indonesia was the pinnacle of this book. Her descriptions of Bali and their many processions makes me feel as if I was just beside her viewing all those fascinating sights. In this last leg of her journey she found balance. A balance of pleasure and peace. She found someone who truly loves her. Someone who wants and needs her. Someone who will take care of her...

I suck at book reviews but I sincerely feel that Eat,Pray,Love should be a bible to all those seeking pleasure, peace and balance. I wished the book was like The Neverending Story. But I realise the author wanted her readers to go find their own pleasure, peace and balance...

I realise its very Human for all of us to seek high and low for these three ideals. Buddha found his under the Bodhi Tree. Prophet Muhammad found his in the Cave of Hira. I believe if only we seek hard enough we shall find. I hope to find mine one day.

"The Yogic sages say that all pain of a human life is caused by words, as is all the joy. We create words to define out experience and those words being attendant emotions that jerk us around like dogs on a leash. We get seduced by our own mantras. (I'm a failure... I'm lonely... I'm a failure... I'm lonely...) and we become monuments to them. To stop talking for a while, then, is to attempt to strip away the power of words, to stop choking ourselves with words, to liberate ourselves from our suffocating mantras."

Eat, Pray ,Love = Done. Now where did I chuck that P.Ramlee book...?

Mimin's Current Thought:
Strives to move on.

Mimin's Gearing For:
Jalan Raya this weekend.

Mimin's Missing:
Robert Ricaro. Siang Yew. Joey Yam. Er Chow Soon. Chan Md Danial. Ronald. Seet. Li Ming. Merv. Winson. Reuben. Danny.
Yao Ming. Ganesh. Salleh. Adi Sufyan. - BSLC ECHO MATES.

Mimin's Praying For:
Nurasyikin Ahmad Shauki.
Hanaa (Farhana Rahim)


| 10/21/2008 12:21:00 PM |


Monday, October 20, 2008
Of Getting Caught In The Rain & Boria Raya

Ajit and I got caught in the rain.

Our feet were soaking wet. And we actually enjoyed it.

*Scene ends with the both of us running to every puddle of water and soaking our feet in it.

Love this childlike moments.

Why wasn't anyone there to take a picture!

-----------------------------

What happens when you put the 4th Best Crew infront of a green background?

We become invisible. Akusepakkau.

A gathering of five close individuals ends with curry chicken and bread. hehe.

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Mimin's Current Thought:
Im in need of a temporary job. Anyone to recommend?

Mimin's Praying For:
Nasruddin. Who has been in a coma for 3 months.



| 10/20/2008 11:40:00 AM |


Saturday, October 18, 2008
Of Bus Journeys & Digging Playgrounds

In Secondary School, I recall asking my English Teacher, Ms Tracy Tan, where was the best place to study. And she gave me a shock when she proposed I do my reading on the bus.

Now after 5 years, I have to admitt that it is a great idea. I took a bus back home from Rail Mail at Upper Bukit Timah and the journey took me close to two hours. I meandered through Dunearn Road, had a short glimpse of the city, took a full load from Little India and lastly found familiar buildings around Geylang and Bedok.

I am glad that with my military experience, I took on this arduous journey fully prepared. You can never go wrong with One foot long sandwich,2 bottles of distilled water and a great book. (Im finishing Eat, Pray, Love). What made it even more satisfying was having a seat just beside the glass panel and conveniently lean on it when I needed a nap.

After a few naps and a few chapters of the book later, I took a look outside the glass panel and realise I was approaching Chai Chee. Instantenously I was transported to a moment I had with my cousins when we were young, at the playground of our grandparent's estate. I vividly remembered my guy cousins and I profusely perspiring while digging the sand of the nearby playground.

Mimin: Kak beraper lama lagi nak kena korek? (How long should we continue digging?)

Syiks: Alah dalam lagi! (Deeper!)

An: Beraper dalam sey? (How deep!)

Syiks: Sampai kita jumpa China. (Until we reach China!)

Let me explain that we were young and extremely naive to think that if we were to dig deep enough we will reach China. Haha!

So what happened eventually?

We ended up digging to the concrete base of the playground and it did not stop there. We went to another sand box and did the same thing. Haha.

All the 'excavation' made the playground look like a mine-field.

I can't help but smile at how naive we were. Cartoons. It must have been the cartoons.

Bugs Bunny had much better luck than we did.

Mimin's Current Thought:
How did I make it through before?

Mimin's Praying For:
Ili Liyana Izyan.

Mimin's Missing:
Bhaskaran. Andy Teo. Platoon 9. Charlie Company Office.


| 10/18/2008 09:16:00 PM |


Friday, October 17, 2008
Of Unworn Baju Kurung & Little Corners.

Your baju kurung... is left untouched.
Protected by its plastic cover.
Made sure no dust came in contact.
Ready for you to wear.

But you left even before I could show you...

You didn't even know the colour.

You know that feeling when you were a kid and playing in a playground and when night falls one by one of your friends get pulled home by their maids or parents. And you are left alone in the playground playing the swing. That feeling as if you were left behind and no one loves you. Ya that feeling engulfed me last night.

I spend the night at the little corner beside my bed. Just crying it all out. Clenched my heart, unable to bear the spasms of pain that come and go with every heartbeat. Now I look forward to leave it all behind.

Mimin's Current Thought:
Loan Confirm. Next step pay for first semester.
SNT did a great job yesterday. 1 point for Mimin.

Mimin's Missing:
Nadiah Najwa. Lina Liyana. Indah Nusri. Asyaqinah. Izyan Izie. (SNT's 1st Batch)

Mimin's Praying For:
Nadira


| 10/17/2008 11:24:00 AM |


Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Of Pampered Children And Frantic Mothers

I was on Bus No. 5, when I spotted a pool of people gathered outside the gates of Changkat Primary School. At first glance, I thought it was a mob of people with evil intent but a close study of faces came the realisation that they were just over-anxious parents waiting for their children.

Instantly I thought of a friend of mine and her child. She is extremely over-protective of her child. To an extent it made me a tad bit uncomfortable. She is very particular of the people who carries her child and would meet the demands of her only daughter. Her daughter can only be fed with the proper food and in a certain method. To a point when her baby is tired, she will drop any thing that she is doing and rush home to make sure she sleeps in her cradle.

I wonder. To what extent should parents limit their care and love for their children? When does it become too much?

Back when I was in primary school I detested those who would complain to their parents about the slightest mishap and those who were chauffeured leisurely to and fro school daily.

I guess my abhorrence for such acts only came because I envied the attention and knew that no one was waiting at the school gates for me.

I was the only child then, to two young adults with a hectic schedule. As amateurs, making money to support a growing boy took precedence over taking care of his welfare.

But all turned out for the better. I am glad I was given the opportunity to be independent at a very young age. I knew exactly how to make my way around the whole of Simei even before I was in Primary school.

At age seven, my mum told me she returned to an empty house and instantly dropped her dozen eggs and frantically when in search for her two children.

Apparently according to my mum, she activated my neighbours. After a frantic search, she found me happily walking with my two year old brother hand in hand at a basketball court nearby. She clearly remembered me explainint: "Abang pergi carik Mak. Mak gi pasar lama sangat. Abang teke mak hilang." (I went to search for you. Mummy went to the market for far too long. I thought you were lost)

Imagined what I was capable off at such a young age. I think soon after that I got my own house key, my own transitlink card and I was off going to religious classes alone.

My youngest brother will never experience such a responsibility. Every day since he was born, he is never left alone. Either one of us had to babysit or ferry him to his classes.

I wonder how kids will be when parents over pamper them... I hope they do not turn out wrong... because if they did, their parents would definitely have a heartbreak.

Mimin's Current Thought:
After 50 days, not even a message.

Mimin's Praying For:
Baby DD.


| 10/15/2008 02:21:00 AM |


Monday, October 13, 2008
Of Happy Weekends And Maturity

A well spent weekend. Two days of reuniting with old friends and making current friendships stronger and tighter.

On Saturday, my besties and I embarked on our very first Hari Raya outing. For the first time, I was given an insight to their household and saw pictures of them when they were young. Lots of laughter. Lots of pictures indeed.

I cannot help but notice how much we have grown. Especially my Bimbo.

You grew up right before my eyes.
I saw the girl that used to be you.
I saw you even before Mediacorp first laid eyes on you. hehe.
Now I see a brand new you. The mature you. The lady.

The difference between, Bimbo and the rest is that throughout the five years of friendship, I've been very protective of her. I remember a time when guys would ogled over her and entering the Engineering school of Temasek Polytechnic smelt trouble and testerone-driven boys.

But she is still the effervescent girl I use to know only difference now is that she has MR Moleman by her side. I wish them all of the happiness. Being the 4th most important guy in her life doesn't seem so bad... (alongside her bf, dad and bro)

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My next two years will definitely be different without them.

---------

The little Viper Raya Outing was an eye-opener to Hamizan I guess. It felt great to be around the guys who once shared the same bunk, the same toilet and at times the same cubicle with me.

I felt like I was in a time machine that day. I remembered most of the things that happened to us the three months we were recruits in Tekong. I became the story teller. There were more unpleasant recalls than there were pleasant. Hamizan took most of the blow especially since he gave me such a hard time then.

So many great stories. From disturbing little old me in the showers to our leopard crawl drama during field camp to the exact profanities hurled at us during Ramadhan and lastly to the many times we turn to each other for support in times of need.

I cannot help but reminisce moments when my mates turned to me for advice. How our little corner by the lift became a place of solace, a place of gossip and a place to rant. *winks at Ghani*

Suddenly I miss the sunsets we had at Tekong. How spectacular.

*Imagines Ghani with his bucket, Chan with his guitar, Syazwan with his starry pillow joining me to see the sunset...

Such a beautiful image.
Such beautiful friendship.

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Mimin's Current Thought:
Do we bring all this memories to heaven?

Mimin's Missing:
My Spartans

Mimin's Praying For:
AyuSayuBayu.


| 10/13/2008 02:08:00 AM |


Thursday, October 9, 2008
Of Photogenic Experiences And Ajit

A camera's existence in our lives has only one purpose: to capture everlasting memories. Sometimes when I look at a particular picture, a story can be created (even if its just snapshots of vain-old-me.)

I worry about storing my pictures on multiply sometimes. I worry what if one day, all the pictures in my hard disk are gone and multiply shuts its cyber entrance to all media. And then what happens?

The day with Ajit and his new D60 became an adventorous journey around the east area of Singapore.

It was impromptu. It was unplanned. And it took every single atom of my body to go clashing with other atoms to form molecules to provide me the energy that I need. (It is a metaphor. YOu need not remind me that we get energy from all the carbohydrates that we eat. I am a Food And Nutrition student!)

We ventured from Little India to Temasek Polytechnic to IKEA to Changi Airport.

But time spent with someone so special is worthwhile. Time together with Ajit became a time away from our usual routines and it was far refreshing. I love seeing this side of him. A side stripped of ego, responsibilities and constant worry.

I believe Ajit mature faster than any of my best friends. Among them he had to go through many setbacks before he reached a stage of comfort. Compared to them, he had to work way harder and mature a little faster to be where he is today. Someone so hardworking and intelligent should be given credit. Personally, I can never find a better role model than him.

Determined.Calm & Collected. That is Ajit.

I love how our pictures turned out that day. Splendid.



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Mimin's Current Thought:
With the recession, how does it affect me?

Mimin's Praying For:
Busu



| 10/09/2008 11:14:00 PM |


Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Of Best Friends And Spilled Coffee

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What happens when you put four people of different professions together and place them at the viewing mall of Changi Airport's Terminal 2?

You have a session of camwhoring, updates and a clumsy Mimin who spills Kinky's coffee all over the floor.

The best friends was in need of an updating session and I took the initiative to HAVE one. hehe. It is difficult to have regular updates of what your best friends are doing when neither of us are in the same line of work or environment. It is different with me and Ajit because we meet up regularly for dance trainings and shows.

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For these three other ladies, it takes one courageous Mimin to send a threatening sms and the next thing you know we are sitting at the viewing mall telling each other of our future intentions. And that includes our first Hari Raya outing in 5 years. See how busy we are!

These are the three people, I run to each time I need a solution, an advice or a change of environment. They remain the same all the time. They are my constant. Only two months ago we celebrated our fifth year together and you can't help but feel overwhelm when Nostalgia brings memories of yesterday and how much we have grown today.

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I wish I had a clearer memory, then I could give a detailed story to how they became my best friends. Oh well, these three women are dong well in their careers. Kinky is a Marketing Executive in BBC. As much as her job strips her of happiness, she never fails to put it all aside when she sees us. Such sacrifice. Bimbo is training to be a stewardess. I cannot wait to see her in a blue kebaya. A sense of achievement for her after the many years we have been persuading her to pursue a cabin crew career. She is living my dream for me. Art is a pillar of strength. How she brightens up my life with fitree's jokes and 'Whose Line Is It Anyway'?.

What more can I ask for. We are four people pursuing four different professions but we come together for one united goal. Which is? To be there for each other through thick and thin and be that pillar of undying strength in times of need.

Mimin's Current Thought:
Who do I turn to when I face problems in Australia?

Mimin's Gearing For:
An update on camwhoring with Ajit.

Mimin's Praying For:
Curly.

Mimin's Missing:
Those days in Malay Arts Group Temasek Polytechnic

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| 10/08/2008 11:40:00 AM |


Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Of Traditional Garbs And Coy Behaviours

A friend's recent confession left me questioning.

Can anyone add a guy garbed in traditional Malay clothes and songkok to their FETISH list? hehe. I think its possible. People nowadays sexually fantasize about anything and everything. From Mailmen to nurses to nuns and now someone garbed in baju kurung and songkok. Interesting how the purest and innocent of tends to tickle our fancies.

Suria's recent telecast of Gubra left me astounded. I've watched it once before with Kinky but to have seen it again, I am reminded of my love for Yasmin Ahmad and her ideal protrayal of true love.

Mimin is extremely attracted to the character of the pious mosque caretaker and his wife. Their playful yet sincere affections remind me of a love I've longed for. Two particular scenes exceptionally showed how their love was strong.

Scene 1:
Husband carefully fries the jemput-jemput(flour fritters), a rare chore to see husbands carry-out nowadays. The wife takes advantage of the situation and sneaks up to the plate of fried fritters. She openly shows her intent to take one fritter and stops when her husband sneaks a glance and catches her. Flirtatiously she asks whether she could eat one. Her husband gently tells her to wait till all the dough is cooked and eat together as a family.

She smiles coquettishly, takes one fritter and walks away. Her coy actions incites a sense of ultimate attraction in her husband. The scene ends with him chasing after his wife around the house.Their son who was studying in the kitchen shakes his head in disapproval of his playful parents and continued with his reading soon after.

Scene 2:
After their evening prayers, the caretaker turns to his wife and did their routine salam and kiss on the cheek. His wife coyly bites his ear and they did a mini wrestle.

These two scenes of affection was enough to make me yearn for a love as equivalently pure and sweet.If people was to say that such acts of love are only seen in movies and never in real life, I beg to differ. My parents openly show affection at home and its especially common to see such an act after family evening prayers. This affection to me brings only peace in a household and it becomes an example for sons and daughters to show how they should treat their future spouses.

With the same love, care and respect.

Mimin's Current Thought:
Have you ever wondered, what if our heart had a chance to speak what would it say? Will it speak more of how wonderful love has been for it? Or will it speak of how battered and tired it is going through separations and heartbreaks....? I post this question to all.

Mimin's Gearing For:
Hari Raya outing with the Bitches


Mimin's Praying For:

Fizah Nizam. Khaty SNT.

Mimin's Missing:
The Alphabet 'a'.

No one can understand the capacity of this broken heart.


| 10/07/2008 01:51:00 AM |


Sunday, October 5, 2008
Of Manipulation And Circumcisions

As much as its an embarassing event, I am true to my objective (which is to collate as many kampung memories as possible).

The trip to the kampung clinic made me nervous. A few days ago, mummy and daddy sat me down and had a little chat. I was asked whether I wanted to be circumcised. The thought of circumcision did not make me nervous before. Because Atok once told me that its a passage every boy has to go through and it makes one stronger. But the irritants known better as my older male cousins made Atok's impression so far-fetched. They told me of ancient kampung stories when circumcision was done with ice, a sharp knife and sewing kit. What makes their tale so convincing was their ability to portray scenes of the ritual.

So you would have guessed by now what my answer to my parents was: No! I started crying. It took my parents a whole hour to convince me that all my muslim friends in school have gone through it and they are still alive and urinating in urinals. haha. Gosh, I can't believe just a tweeny bit of info can manipulate this primary 1's mind. Which kid doesn't want to have what other kids have. And that includes a circumcised toot.

I trembled abit in the car. I did not know what to expect. In my mind, an imagery of a chicken having its head chopped off keeps reappearing in my mind.
My body was so weak by the time we reached the clinic. Daddy had to carry me in.

FastForward...

And so I am on the surgical table ready for the long needle to be inserted to make my groin area numb. Mummy and daddy positioned themselves near my ears and remind me pray and whenever I feel the pain I should refrain from shouting but call out for God. It worked for the first jab. It worked for the second jab. But as soon as the doctor starts cutting my foreskin off I was screaming as many profanities as a Primary 1 school boy was capable of. Even I was shocked. It must be the environment and being strapped tight to the table. Aaahhh!I even remember kicking the plate of surgical instruments and the nurse had to re-sterilise the whole batch.

I think both my parents were embarassed by my screams. But what was a boy in pain to do. Aiyoh! hehe. Mimin slaps himself*

But the funny part of this whole passage was the aftermath.

Every night for two weeks, some sort of ointment was to be medicated on my toot. And I was to try to urinate. But Mimin is a scatycat.

So the next day when mummy wanted to put it on for me, I ran around the whole kampung refusing to feel the stinging pain of the ointment. Haha. I had to be put down by my Granddad, daddy and uncle. Haha! How dramatic. And mind you I was running around in my sarong.

So mummy devised a plan. To refrain from having the drama ever reoccuring, mummy would put the medication on for me while I was fast asleep at night. How sweet of her. Sacrifice sleep just so that one day Mimin could reproduce and enjoy life. *winks.

A few years later, we were celebrating Hari Raya in the kampung and we went visiting relatives and family members. There was one particular house we were heading to and I had to ask whose house it was. And Dad casually said,"Someone who knows you very well" and both my parents laughed. Clueless... I did not pursue any further.

We met the family and I salam-ed everyone and then the man of the house came close to me. After salam-ing him he said, "Ni ker budak yg aku sunat dia maki-maki aku".(Is this the boy while circumcising him, scolded me with profanities?)

I turned to both my parents and gave them this weird embarassed look. The whole house roared with laughter recapping that particular event.
The doctor turned out to be my Grandma's cousin. shucks*

Amin Amin.

Mimin's Current Thought:
When war occurs in a family, who wins? ....

Mimin's Gearing For:
Bitches Meet-Up very soon.

Mimin's Praying For:
AmaLina Sam.

Why is it always the lovers who run away and I'm left at the bus stop.


| 10/05/2008 03:01:00 AM |


Friday, October 3, 2008
Of Time Travels and Broken Clocks.

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Time flies when you open the closet and decide which colour baju kurung you want to wear for the year. I started choosing my own colours and sampings in Secondary 3. This is the 7th time I open that 'closet' only to realise that people has change so much.

I mean where was I when my young cousins grew up.

Surprisingly I was not the only one who feels the pinch.
Wan said: "Amin...please don't change..."

I guess we grow up not looking at the clock hanging on the wall... We become slaves to school, work schedules and our dreams that we forget the longest hand of the clock goes ticking unawares.

As I embark on a new journey, my family will not stand still to look at me. They move on chasing after everything they want. This year will be the last year, some of my cousins celebrate Hari Raya being single. The next few months, I am pretty booked due to their nuptials and engagement parties. Hari raya will not be the same anymore.

I miss those days when we meet.
I miss those days when we queue to get Raya money.
I miss those days when we would sneak out of the house and play catching.
I miss those days when make-up and beautiful clothes didn't matter.
I miss those days when Chai Chee and Bukit Batok meant fun and cousins.
I miss those days when everything starts with laughter and ends with me crying because I lost a game. hehe.

You know what Mimin misses most. Spending time in the kampung. I want to archive as many kampung memories as possible before I die. So please do not be alarm.

I hope my entries help readers long for a day in the kampung. Something we are so lacking of today. When you ask youngster nowadays what was their most memorable hari raya experience, they talk about making kueh, baju kurung and Geylang. Its only those with a kampung or live their days during Singapore's kampung period would know that the village is the birthplace of momentos.

I have so many to share. Which should I begin with...

Mimin's Gearing For:
Kak Eda's Wedding. 4th October 2008.

Mimin's Praying For:
Myself. To remain patient.
Wakskedooski to find a gf.

Mimin's Missing:
Zahillah, Shikin, Kikie and Awal.

It is our attitude at the beginning of a difficult task which, more than anything else, will affect its successful outcome.

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| 10/03/2008 12:56:00 AM |


Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Of Shouts And Screams From Next Door

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Earlier in the afternoon, I heard screams and shouts from the next block and wondered what the commotion was about. Like any ordinary Singaporean with the best interest of our neighbours at heart (*winks), I had to know what was going on.

*tries to decipher the screams and shouts.
Pak! Jangan Pak! Orang nak raya bapak buat gini!
Aku kan dah bilang kau!
(Dad! Don't dad! People want to celebrate you want to behave like this!)
(I already told you!)

I guess there were some disagreement between family members and the tense situation made loud screaming an official form of communication.

After understanding abit of the situation, I refuse to eavesdrop any further and sat on my bed recalling a similar situation that occured a year ago.I feel like crawling to my little corner when I hear fights such as this. On Suria & TV3 there are many sad hari raya shows. All with the objective to instill some sense of family spirit and to think of those in need as we celebrate the festive month.

Family disagreements can become a scene in an A-grade Suspense/Thriller movie. You get so caught up in the tense situation you forget to realise the importance of this special day.
How should one feel when he is all dressed up for the occassion and his parents chose of all the days in the calender to quarrel over a minor faux pas? Do you get involve or do you sit and see them spoil the day?

Well I chose to intervene and the first day of Raya 2007 became one of the worse days of my life. So Hari Raya 2008 will not be a repeat of the year before.

I did everything in my power to make sure Mummy doesn't go berserk or Daddy loses his patience waiting for us. And let me just say, my help in this matter was way worthwhile than the year before.

I try as much to make Hari Raya this year a meaningful one. The one reason being, Mimin may not make it back for the festival next year. (Shall not spill the beans to why yet). We can try very hard though but Aidilfitri in Singapore is just not how it use to be... I would really love to celebrate Hari Raya in my Kampung. Oh how beautiful that would be...

Mimin's Current Thought:
I do not want to eat anymore. I work so hard on the diet and I feel myself growing as I eat all the nice food.

Mimin's Missing:
Bhaskaran. Naeem. Rifqi.

Mimin's Praying For:
Bhas's mum.

Your message left me crying... I wonder what you are trying to do to me now. You run and you come back. Is it a cycle for you?

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| 10/01/2008 11:46:00 PM |


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