I thought I've moved on. But I guess telling yourself that you've moved on is not enough, if you have not taken steps to move on.
In my wallet, there is a picture of the one person that fills my stomach with butterflies... It becomes a routine that every morning I will look at that picture just to tell myself that I did my best to make it work... maybe not hard enough. I shall not repeat the same mistake with the next person that comes along. Irregardless of your sudden departure without a proper goodbye, I still love you.
I guess as much the last few lines of that mantra did not work well to my advantage. It kind of made me hold on to every ounce of hope there is...
It took my closest friend to break that cycle for me.
While I was driving... she quietly took that precious picture away... I only realised it in the morning.
At that moment, I became senseless. Unable to think or feel. Just stared at my window, I believe for a half hour...
After that I kind of locked it away and went to work. Till now if you ask me, I do not know how to react to the situation...
As much as I am grateful, the sense of loss is as overwhelming. I guess it is for the best.
Mimin's Gearing For:
Shoppin In KL
Mimin's Missing:
Muhammad Nur
Mimin's Praying For:
Saiful Amri & Family
It really touches my heart when I receive messages, from friends and family prompting me to update my blog. It makes me feel that people do want to read my thoughts and my journey in life. It is times such as these, I am thankful to Allah for giving me the ability to write and construct proper sentences so that people can understand what I have to say. I abhor those who make fun of me and my little space to express my innermost feelings. I pray for those people who has a mouthful of crap but lack the intellect to see the world in a different perspective. Surprisingly these people are among us, shockingly they are your closest friends. How are we to trust when those dear to us choose to betray and make fun of your flaws? I believe Allah has ways to to make these people understand one day.
On a happier note, I received a call from two of my men yesterday. Farid & Razeek. When I first looked at my phone to check who was calling me, I was surprise to see Farid's name. I gave some thought before picking up the phone, maybe because I believe he did not lock his hp's keypad resulting in the surprise call out of no where! (It happens ok! I accidentally called daddy 68 times before)
But I did pick up the phone at the end, and I did not regret it all...
He called to remind me of an incident that happened during our days in the army.
There was this one time when a few of my men and I were stranded just outside SISPEC waiting for the permission of our Sergeant Major to return back to base. Apparently according to protocol, military vehicles were not allowed to drive on civilian roads during peak periods.
We were sent there after lunch to clear some of stuff that were used for an exercise we had the day before. So my men and I worked all the way till the evening making sure all stores were taken care of and accounted for. It had passed routined dinner time and there was no sign of a vehicle approaching with food.
Can someone tell me what happens to MEN when they do not have food to eat!?! They become a difficult, whiny lot and being the only commander there I was pretty much the target of insults. So I did what any other sergeant in this predicament would do... I pestered my Encik for an answer to the predicament. His answer was, "Got combat rations right? Eat ah."
WE ARE NOT IN THE JUNGLE MISTER ARGH! (Note: this was not said out loud. )
Obviously telling the men what my Encik said will not make the matter any better. So out of goodwill and also for the fact that they have done a great job, I bought them MacDonald's with my own money...
Apparently Farid remembered the incident that happened close to 10 months ago... And he in his own words he said,
"No one cared about us. Except for you. So just want to thank you."
I was close to tears...
"You are lucky if at least one of them appreciates what you have done for them..."
Alhamdullilah...
Mimin's Missing:
Bhaskaran, Abdul Naeem, Danish
Charlie Company Men & Commanders
Mimin's Praying For:
Art
Farid & Razeek
I've been ultra senstive of late. I believe it must have been the accumulation of troubles & heartbreak, past & present culminating to the outcome of this broken soul. If only he had someone to share this moment with...
People everywhere offer the same piece of advice.
And even best friends get too busy with their lives or even judgemental towards my predicament.
I seek solitude. This house lacks any form of space especially with five other inhabitants roaming around, depriving me of time alone to reflect and cry. I need to cry. I have not been crying for awhile. I keep it all in...
I go silent, when the closest of friends say the wrong things.
My voice drowned. My heart shattered. My mind boggled.
He struggles up the winding staircase, inhaling and exhaling his breath for every step he climbs. Clenched in his hands is a silk handkerchief, stained. Its original off-white colour tainted with his bloody tears. On the fiftieth step, he peeps down below. A quick glance and he shuts his eyes tight, unwilling to succumb of his fright... Once on top he looks at the sunset. Oh what beautiful sight he thought. If only...
Anyone to bring him watch the Sunset... :(
Mimin's Missing:
My cousins.
Mimin's Praying For:
For glue. To piece up his shattered state.
Being a film student has its pros and cons. I enjoyed the movie, I love its content but I have to comment on its camera angles and lack of focus.
M-U-A-L-L-A-F
Suddenly everyone is a Yasmin Ahmad fan. It annoys me how people can speak so proudly of her when prior to this they only know her as just another director from across the causeway. But hey congratulations to Kak Yasmin for having a bigger fan database. What is to not love about this lady who promotes intercultural interactions and religious tolerance through her Film strips. Now Amin, enough ranting and more constructive comments to the movie.
Those who know me would want to sit down for coffee and have an intellectual conversation with me to the many symbols Yasmin subtly slots into her scenes.(By Appointment Only)
A friend informed me how she thinks that every Yasmin movie has the similar themes about interracial relationships and religious tolerance and frankly she is sick of it. "Its boring lah"
I agree. But every film critic has his neutral stance. So I would have to say, I agree but to a certain extend I feel that Yasmin's content is what the masses yearn for. I have to say Muallaf, albeit controversial has a soft touch to it. I am intrigued by how she nicely fits humour and employs amateur actors to portray realistic moments we have in our lives. I feel that Muallaf was more of a documentary because of how real situations can be.
I am very touched by the scenes when both sisters embrace and openly show affection of their love. We lack it in this society, showing how much we love to our siblings. (That includes me...)
And I would love to touch on the utmost appreciation the Catholic teacher had for the Quran... Personally, I do not understand why Muslim Clerics frown on the idea of a non-muslim having contact with the holy book. The Teacher handled the book with so much care. He had so much respect when he turns the pages of the book.
What was more refreshing was to see the attraction between Rohani and Brian that gradually blossoms as the story unfolds.
P.S I use to love someone Catholic too. Now Rohani, we did have something in common.
----------------------------------------------
On a lighter much warmer note, I eavesdropped in BORDERS yesterday. A Filipino lady called home and this was what she said;
" Hey I am calling just to tell you that Uncle P's brother in Australia is critically ill. So Uncle and Auntie P had to rush to Australia. ...........So what I wanted you to do is, when you pray can you include him in your prayers. Oh Thank You."
It really touches me when someone says 'Can you include him in your prayers?'. Speak volumes of a person and her faith in God. Simply inspiring. I will pray for him too.
Mimin's Gearing For:
Some Shopping In Kuala Lumpur
Mimin's Missing:
HaiQel.
Amalina Samin
Mimin's Praying For:
For the lady and her family.
Tin Tin
