Applied for my Australian Visa yesterday. Other than then AUD 450 you have to fork out, there is an additional cost of S$110 for the X-ray and Medical Check-up.
I was in the toilet with a cup that I am suppose to fill my urine with and I had an instantenuous DEJAVU. I asked myself, "Now when have I done this before?". I carried the thought all the way until I was waiting for my turn to be checked by the doctor.
And I eventually realise an interesting coincidence. Why does every new journey in my life have to begin with a medical check-up? hehe.
First check-up
5 years ago, the rampaging SARS fiasco caused a stir in many sectors and a full X-ray and medical check up was required before we gain entry into the institution. Since it was my first, I took a whooping 15 minutes to get myself to pee into the cup and what's really funny was my generosity filled the cup to the brim. hehe. The rest is history.
Second check-up
3 years after that, a letter summons for my presence at the CMPB medical centre. I was to go for a medical check-up. This time it includes a blood test. I was alone. No one was there to accompany me through. I had my manly guard up and constantly reminded myself to behave and blend in. I did. I don't want to describe the experience any further...
And so I've completed my visa requirements and will await the results in 7 to 10 days time.
Mimin's Gearing For:
Muallaf!
Mimin's Missing:
Zah, Kin, Awal & Kikie
Mimin's Praying For:
Someone to cut the disappearing act.
You smsed me seeking for forgivenesss. Saying that I taught you the essence of love. And you disappeared again. This hide and seek game have to stop... Don't go ruining my life.
One of the many things I've learn from Pentas was the effect of my words. During one of the rehearsals, I was filled with so much anger I reprimanded my girls. The F-word seemed to have found its place in my hurls toward the girls and the next thing I knew I was exchanging a word or two (a composition length more) with Cynthia with regards to the use of the F word.
"The f- word is in you."
When I first heard her utter those words, I was offended and became defensive. What was to be said after that to Cynthia, believe me, made her very disappointed. I was disappointed for saying all of that to someone who I cared about.
I knew I had to settle the matter quick and cooled myself down. I explained politely my intentions and why I felt offended. She pointed out that maybe my experience in the Army has deteriorated the respect I use to have for women.
That made me think. Me? Disrespect women? I am a male feminist. Supporting any cause for women from wearing the pink ribbon the and helping single mothers. How could I ever be the one to disrespect women?...
I did. Hurling all those profanities just made me less of a man.
To my girls, I apologise. Like what I said that night before Pentas, I will take steps to improve myself and definitely there are many other acceptable words in the dictionary that I can use to hurl at you. hehe.
From the bottom of my heart, I will not cultivate the habit of hurling profanities. Because women are meant to be respected. I've spent 5 years grooming female dancers to be stronger than men, I make them independent and di sanjung tinggi. I will not contradict myself any further by uttering those words. I love all of you. And you deserve to be reprimanded with respect.
Thank you Cynthia for pointing out the mistake that has made me really careful of the words I say.
Mimin's Missing:
Fanana
Mimin's Praying For:
Tin Tin - Congratulations. Cannot wait to watch MENTARI.
"Anyway I wanna forward to you some compliments that I received regarding SNT. They say SNT piece is beautiful and emotionally playful... and some of them wondered whether one of the qualities to join SNT is to be pretty coz they all say SNT girls are pretty" - Tin Tin.
Alhamdullilah. Thank You Allah, for giving me beautiful girls as well as good friends who are talented in enhancing the beauty of women. Syukran.
The journey on this Silk road was much difficult than any journey I've been on before. Every time when I see a clear road, my eyes get blurred by the flying sand. It hurts every time I open eyes. Unsure when the sand storm will end.
Rather than sitting and getting myself piled up by the dust and sand, I had to find an alternative to keep on walking.
I had no other means. And so I decided to use my intuition to be my guide through the never ending storm. I needn't go far. I had 19 pairs of hands pulling and pushing me to get in track. I had 19 voices to whisper me through the journey. Telling me never to give up....
After 2 months of walking, I fell. I fell deep into this hole. The 19 voices seemed so distant. I feel so sad. I can finally see but I see darkness and a tiny hole at the end. How do I get there? I could not even see the outline of my hands.
A tap on a shoulder and the emergence of an oil lamp gave me the assurance and hope. I wondered who this character was... The mysterious person nudged me up the wall and soon enough I found myself clawing up the wall.
Even before I could shout for help, I saw Wawa and Lina receiving me with their arms and hands. Obviously I am way heavy for this two girls to grip. With the sound of a whistle, Lina called for reinforcements and two lines of ladies made up of Syiqin, Indah, Asyaqinah, Dee, Hani, Shahidah, Adliah and Marina came running. Quickly they gripped each others waist and after some tugging I was out of the hole...
Relieved, I did not know how to react but stared blankly at the faces of my girls...
Suddenly I hear "Cut! Can someone please put some tear drops on him so that he looks convincing! Busu, Izwan! Make him look dirty. Bib and Hafyz can the both of you stop playing with the curler and do something about his hair! Must I do everything here! And girls what DID I SAY ABOUT THE MIRROR!" shouted the Director.
I instantly knew that it was Cipah. Haha
I did my best. I wanted to describe how it felt during the journey towards Pentas 2008: Sutera.
The entry is symbolic in nature. Silk road because of its relations to the Pentas's name this year and also because the Ancient Silk road was never the most friendliest route to link Europe and Asia.
My girls will agree that my vision for my dance piece this year was pretty much blurred during the first few attempts but it got clearer. I wanted this year's piece to be my best piece before I leave for Australia. I don't know whether it was but I knew I put my heart and soul into it.
The 19 pairs of hands and voices represents the 19 dancers up on that stage that day. I did all I could to train and make these girls all rounders. As much as I was their guide they were my intuition. They created the path for me to walk.
The hole was the hollow feeling during the process of choreographing the dance. But someone came to the rescue. My confidant and senior, Ajitwarna. He was the person who gave me a tap and came with a guiding light to give me faith and a nudge out of the hole.
I was not to climb out of the hole alone. My alumni came to the rescue and gave me support. Their undying support for five years. Their help was much needed.
The part about Cipah was just a candid way to end the whole imagery... Cipah the victim again. hehe
I pushed my girls to the extreme this year. I wanted them to work outside their comfort zone. I wanted to prove to all around me that I was able to bring my girls to greater heights. I think the dance speaks for itself. I hope to hear your feedback of the strengths and weaknesses of the pieces.
I had a special moment that night. After the whole show, my dancers, alumni, my closefriends as well as Dian Dancers were around me hearing what I had to say. At that point, I looked around and captured every face that was in that room with me.
I was surrounded by those who meant greatly to me. Before me were my SNT dancers as well as my lovely alumni. On my left were Dian Dancers as well as Hafyz (who symbolically represented my Army days) and Bib (representing Perkumpulan Seni) and on my right were the four people who meant so much to me, My Bestfriend Yazid, My Sister Syiqin, My Brother Izwan and My Dearest Friend Busu.
For a moment there I thought I was going to die. But an itch on my head came the realisation that the circle was not completed without my best friends, family and cousins. And so I am still alive and at the awkward moment was gone. (*stares at Kikie, Zah, Kin and Awal for not coming)
I will like to take this time to firstly congratulate the Artistic Director and Producers for the great show. Secondly to Nadi Kesenian for not screwing my music and the lighting was fantabulous. Good Job! Thirdly to Titisan Temasek for constantly improving yourself under the guidance of Fifie and Abg Anuar. Fourthly, Puspa2. Nira Nyertika lah namanya. Sungguh menawan anda semua berpakaian baju butterfly beraneka warna. A group that deserves credit for taking great lengths to make themselves better. *winks to Fid, Mamat, Hydil, Achiok and gang. And to Panjy Sry Temasek, for realising your worth up on that stage. Even if it took awhile to realise, you guys pulled through.
Sobah said, "I know just now as you were making your speech, you said that you cannot possibly be complimenting on your own subgroup. But let me be the one to compliment on SNT's great improvement and achievement. It was indeed a beautiful piece."
Thank you thank you thank you. Thank you to Yazid, Busu, Izwan, Deen, Danish and Bib for helping out. Thank you Dian Dancers and my Alumni.
Thank you Maimunah, Radziah, Zu, Shidah, Diena, Khaty, Iffah and Wanee for being the best seniors I can ever have.
Thank You Zelah, Sheiqeen, Yasmin, Aishah, Dian, Fad, Nisa, Shuhadah, Atikah, Shafiqah and Nadia for doing your very best and helping your seniors.
Thank You Catherine and Cynthia for your undying support.
Mimin Loves:
Kesenian Si Anak Tari
Mimin's Missing:
Dancing On Audi 1's Stage
Mimin's Praying For:
SNT's Future
My busy schedule has caused time to remain rather still in this realm. This signals a time to update of recent events.
So what has happened since the 10th November 2008?
1) Asian Civilisation's Museum Show with Apsara Asia.
2) Cousin's Wedding
3) Pentas: Sutera 2008
Asian Civilisation's Museum Show 2008 was a blast especially since it was the first show I had to coordinate under the name Apsara Asia. It was difficult to become the project coordinator when you are the emcee and performer as well. But I made it through.
One memorable moment would be dancing and having my Best Army Bud observing from far. Thanks Chan for being there. Finally you get to see me dance on a proper stage rather than our bunks and training shed.
"It made me feel like dancing. pretty intense... but when I saw you just now I couldn't help but to think of our army times. Coz when I was in the crowd watching you it felt like... years have passed and you've moved on doing the thing you love. It was a very strange feeling. I don't really know how to describe it... it was like meeting you for the first time... not sure if it was coz we have not met for a long time. Maybe I was just not use to seeing you standing in front of a crowd and be so .... amin.... "
Chan, personally during the short span of 3 months, as much as I felt that I am free it took awhile to be myself again. But I am glad you saw me that day. I hope you will never be ashame of the amin you know and I hope you can proud to look at me on the world's stage and say... that's my bud, Amin. Thanks Buddy. Thank you for taking time to watch the show.
-------------------
Cousin's Wedding
My whole extended family was treated to a visual feast during my cousin's wedding. They finally got to see me dance. I don't know whether it was the highlight of the event but one thing was for sure, I couldn't find a better time to be walking around with my bright costume and make-up on my face. Hehe! Daddy must have had scratched his head bald trying his best to explain why his eldest son was in a performer's garb and wearing make-up.
But he was my hero. Pushing away the crowd just so that his son and friends had space to dance. That is something I can be proud about. I am so looking forward to dance for my cousin's wedding in Kuala Lumpur. I've promised Kak Siti that it will be a spectacle. *nudges Ajit and whispers, "We better impress them Malaysians... Singapura style!"
Just to rant. It would be nice to hear you say Thank You. Your wedding mister would not have been such a blast if your cousins and relatives didn't pull together to make it a memorable occassion. Just a Thank You coming out from your own mouth is all I need. Just a Thank you. Think about it little boy.
Mimin's Gearing For:
Driving Test... (Scared shitless...)
Mimin's Missing:
Man Man.
My Besties.
Mimin's Praying For:
Siti Noraini
The working world absorbs all the energy in a person living him feeling as if he is squeezed dry. My only excuse would be work. I've been so tied up I refuse to let any of my impending emotions get in between.
All these societal ideals to how a person should survive in this world makes Mimin a very stressed up person.
Back during the last few months before I ended my time in performing National Service, my men were scurrying to find jobs. I hadn't the slightest idea of the phenomenon manifesting before me. Every single one of my men suddenly had the interest in Newspapers and occasionally the commanders had to take on a case of the missing classified's section.
They were so engrossed in searching fora job, it became the main topic during breakfast, lunch and dinner sessions. Sometimes commanders would have had a hard time accounting strength because we had men booking out for interviews for their prospective jobs.
I believe I must have been too pampered because I felt I didn't need a job and my savings was enough to keep me alive till February.But I thought wrong. When you are twenty-two after National Service, asking your parents for money is a definite no no. So I learn.
I mean come on, after all the military training and lessons in growing up, you should know better than depend on your parents.
The savings slowly depleted and decreased in digits. From a healthy 4 digit now I am left with a measly 2 digit number.
I guess we will only understand the needs of others when we desperately need the needs. And I will say it here, unashamed, that I am in need of money. I should have searched for a job way earlier and I did not take my bank account for granted.
Yesterday, a short meet up with three of my men made me realise how settled they are knowing that at least with a job, they are happy to know that money do come in at the end of the month.
With a diploma I can do more. And yet, I took it for granted. Lesson learnt...
Talking about digits, I am only left with 98 days before I embark on my new journey...
Mimin's Gearing For:
PENTAS SUTERA
Mimin's Missing:
Having someone to hold my waist.
Mimin's Praying For:
Clingy people.
"I've lost my respect for you." Ouch. A phrase DEFINITELY not to be use way too often.
I believe such a dictum does not only degrades a person, it has to be a slap of realisation of some sort for the person uttered to.
To have it directed towards yourself from someone you care about, the moment felt like a sandcastle being washed away by the coming tide. From something you worked so hard to sustain, it crumbles and get swept away in a second.
Personally, to each his/her own. One man's meat is another man's poison I guess.
Back during my army days, respect was everything. You never want to be that person who is not respected or the at the very least feared. As a commander, it is respect that keeps the whole company, platoon or section moving. I believe in every commander, there is a worry whether one day one of their men were to approach them and say, 'I do not respect you.' Because when one has lost respect for their leader, they tend to influence the rest and you will end up fighting the war alone or even worse get shot behind by your own people. Even before you fight a battle, you have already lost.
Indeed I worry. I worried alot. I was afraid that one day if my men were to disrepect me and I lost my grip on them, they would have made my days in the army one of the most difficult times in my life.
I repeat. Never... never have your men lose their respect for you.
Now I understood how it difficult it was to be an instructor- a friend - a teacher - brothers in arms.
I had a conversation with this teacher from a Secondary School of late. And she was surprised at how well a young person like me understand the quandries of an educator. I cited memories back when I was in school and how little respect I showed my Malay teacher. How underserving of her to be mistreated by my daily verbal incitations.
Such a difficult student I was.
7 years later I understand how it feels not to be given the respect from my own students. How painstalking it is earn their respect and build the trust and how easy it is to lose all that by utterring 5 words - I've lost my respect for you.
And so where do we go with this...
Nothing much.Just do what we do best with the best of our ability and with alot of sincerity.
In the words of the teacher I had a conversation with:
'We are lucky if we have at least ONE of our students appreciating all the work we have done.'
Mimin's Current Thought:
Mimin's Gearing For:
105 days to a new journey in my life.
University of Queensland.
Bachelor of Arts.
Mimin's Missing:
Fatin Nadia. Neeta Rajwani Ishwardas. Tjut Roslinda. Nur Amalyna. Siti Adibah. Vanessa John. Ambika Bajaj. Bandhna Kaur Bajaj.
Mimin's Praying for:
Sharifah Mahani Alhabsyee.
