Freedom

On My Third Month And The People Involved

2009-05-26T10:13:00.004+08:00

The 16th marked the third month since I've left the shores of city-state. I know God has been very lenient and fair towards me. He gave me a small group of friends here to take good care of me. When I lament about domestic students, he proved me wrong by introducing me to both Matt and Mena, who has constantly taught me about the history of this ancient land and its people, the jargon of its politics and youth, the importance of Fitness First and also the popularity and excitement of Eurovision. In return, I exchanged information of my experience in foreign lands (which mind you has made Matt very psyched to travel across the globe), Singapore's 24 hour eateries (bite that Mena!) and our array of foods available in our cinema i.e a mix of sweet and salty popcorn, long hot dogs and cheese nachos which Australia has chosen to deprive its citizens of. hehe!

I shall not forget the existence of Fad and Sheifa who never fails to make me feel so warm in their presence. It is interesting if you study this loving couple and how they complement each other. Sheifa is the zany, wacky girl who is so creative and she makes an effort to make you feel so comfortable that even Mak Ciks want to take out their tudung and join the club. Hehe. Ok I exaggerate but imagine her great personality with me. And there is my loving brother Fad who is always putting others before himself. Though he is more subdued when compared to his partner, their joint forces can leave you smiling the whole day. Such an ideal couple.

Another marquee couple shall not be left unnoticed. Farhana and Matt. Words choose to escape me when I am to describe about these lovebirds. For them, to witness their love story unfolding, one has to take a sneak peek in the kitchen. And its a beautiful sight. Like the dishes they cooked, it is an interesting and exquisite blend of both the east and west (that is the west too is pretty much east since residing in Bandung has given him prior knowledge of the east). I simply enjoy their bickers in the kitchen and the variety of dishes that they manage to conjure up together. I mean no harm, just admiration for a couple who amidst differences have found a similarity - their undying love for each other.

Enough of mushy love stories in this foreign land. Let me just tell you about an adventurous trip to the city, which left us standing infront of an old church with the most heavenly of words. "PANCAKE MANOR". Mena is such a dear to have introduced to me and Naddy this beautiful place which does not only offer you a palatable array of pancakes, it manages to give you an ambience like no other. The interior design was ancient. I felt transported to an old tavern in the middle ages. Well I did not pay much attention to it as soon as the smell of my three-stacked pancakes was too overpowering to be ignored. It was begging for me to consume it as soon as possible. For the next few minutes, the three of us gorged down our pancakes and no conversation was heard. Only exhanges of winks, accompanied with the occasional sounds of satisfaction (aaahh... ooohhhh) brokethe melancholic silence between us.

Well nothing much has happened since. Just shuttling to and fro my house and school. That is what it should be. Financial constraints has deprived the shopping centre next door of my presence. Winter is coming soon and it is welcomed with a new season of fashion. I can only oogle from the outside. I feel like that little girl, singing the song, "How much is the doggie in the window... *woof* *woof*".

Mimin's Currently:
Trying So Hard To Get My Essays Done. After tomorrow 2 more to go!

Mimin's Missing:
'Soppian', Fitrah.

Mimin's Yearning For:
To Have My Besties Around.

On Birthday Wishes And Healthy Consumptions

2009-05-08T21:50:00.006+08:00

Well, I've yet to update about my ordinary birthday. Well maybe not so ordinary. Nadya and Zhafran welcomed the strike of midnight with the traditional birthday song. Soon after not willing to be overshadowed, my darling family members gave me their rendition of the birthday song which was as equally beautiful, albeit off tune and unharmonize. But there is no denying, even after heartfelt messages from my besties and close friends, I had to come face to face with my cold bed and dreading moments of haunting thoughts. These thoughts, are undying. The memory of past experiences serves as reminder to why celebrations should never be commemorated without the warmth of the people you love. *screeching sound* I am not about to make you people cry. So I shall stop.

My morning was 'rudely' greeted by the sound of my bell. I struggled to open my door, only to find a smiling Papua New Guinean girl, with a hot chocolate drink on one hand and a cupcake on the other. "Happy birthday Amin!!! I told you I was going to come and see you in the morning and wish you a happy birthday!". It was my bff, Mena. Such happiness!

Neverending facebook messages continue to draw a smile on my face, but it got even wider with a little surprise from Singapore. My closest friends, Zahillah, Shikin, Awal and Kikie, delivered a gift for me. And that was able to keep the smile on for the next few days. And no I am not about to entertain comments that I value material more than intangible wishes! I appreciate everything. I wish everyone was around to a blow a candle with me... Stares at the four present givers: "It is unacceptable for you to deliver me a monkey balloon and not have me scream at you! I am a flamingo! And what do u mean HOW old! I am always twenty-one."

On a lighter note... I am lighter! Haha! I have been hitting the gym frequently, running 10km on the treadmill per visit. I have yet to try yoga! I am glad the gym is just practically next door. It is a great place to destress. And American Idol! Lesson 101 on 'budget international student stay in Australia', when you don't have cable always visit the gym and watch it there while you run. It is great sometimes I tell you! If you were to see a malay guy flailing his arms about and jiving on the treadmill, please give him some face and join him! Haha! Well you do the silliest things sometimes, especially since you know Australia is just too big for anyone to recognise you. But again, you are talking about the citizens who is so fascinated with reality tv it is scary.

It was Makan Day at UQ the other day. The UQ Singaporean Student's Society in conjuction with the student societies of Malaysia, Brunei and Thailand conducted the event. An array of dishes were sold. From Nasi Briyani, Nasi Katok Brunei to jemput-jemput pisang and ICE KACANG. It was heavenly. :) And it was better when you have good company. I felt like an ambassador explaining to Mena what the different dishes were. She was all thumbs-up and I was even patriotic to the cause. Haha!

My ever-so-knowledgeable-friend Matthew, prompted me that we are closing to the end of the semester. That explains why I have not had the time to update. My efforts are channeled to my argumentative essays and the pile of books that continue to bury me deep! But I am gaining alot of knowledge! It is fun just minus the application and the grueling time spent on making the essay sound credible.

I bet some of you must have had heard the news. My family is due to visit me this June! Oh I can't wait to meet my parents and siblings. I mean for the first time I genuinely miss my family... And soon after, I am to prepare for the arrival of my bestie and sisters! How cool is that! I cannot wait!

Now... Can I please start a malay dance group in Brissy! Can people please be interested in their roots now! Argh... I am dying here man! Please... *sits begging*

Mimin's Currently:
Taking A Break From Essays. 3 more to go!

Mimin's Missing:
Ahoyu Takeru. Rizcarl Farfalla. Azlyana Aziz. Kingone. Robert JD. Kui Feng. Syazwan. Li Ming. Adik Taufeeq. Allan. Ezadd Hieqal. Rasidin Rasem. Muhd Hady.

Mimin's Yearning For:
A heater

And Glimpse Into My Room ...

On The Future And Mummy

2009-04-20T20:59:00.004+08:00

Whenever I am in my room all alone, just looking outside my big window I cannot help but reminisce. Around this time a year ago, I was in my bunk at Maju Camp 6 SIR, all alone looking outside my dusty window wondering what I will be doing after National Service. It is surreal. I cannot seem to stop reiterating the fact that being in Australia is just not a dream I was thinking about anymore, it is real. I am here. Far away in fact. I am away from my the family I love most, the cousins I adore, my loyal friends and I am so distant from the one thing I am passionate about most - dance.

Many would want to be in my place right now. I wish I can trade every second I am here for a second to be up on stage again. But I know this is for the best. Hell, I am learning about politics and human rights - the knowledge I yearn most to acquire. I am enlightened... If only I can have the best of both worlds. Personally, I think I will. One fine day, I will do my research on dance and how we can integrate the performing arts together with human rights and create a phenomenon. Oh wait... maybe that has been done before! Come on Amin something more original next time!

Two days ago, friends surprised me with a gift. Something I was hoping for. A Country Road Bag.

But I am not about to ask for anything more... Kind of lost my spirit for birthdays. Two years ago, I celebrated my birth in the jungles of Taiwan. Last year, I was alone in my bunk having a rest after a 12 hour duty at Sembawang Wharf. A Subway sandwich was my birthday cake and thankfully I brought a candle and sang myself a birthday song, made a wish, heartily consume the sandwich and went to sleep. I am not about to ask anyone to patronize me but 22nd of April is just another day to me. Indeed I will be a year older...

I feel that I have accomplished so much in the past 22 years of life but one department continues to file reports of my failures. The department of love just doesn't seem to offer me long time happiness. Well I shall not elaborate any further... People get nausea just listening about my many attempts to find true love. Some even just choose to shut themself (herself) away from me.

I want my mummy. I really miss her alot. Everytime I talk about her to my friends, tear ducts choose to fail me and lose control. Flood gates open and even the sun choose of all days not to evaporate my rivers fast enough to hide the stains on my oh so angelic face. I miss Mdm Normadiah Haron's cooking, especially her tauco tofu and Ayam Lemak Cili Padi. I miss her nursing me back to health and her morning wake up calls for morning prayers. I miss her very much. I wish she was here.

You know, I believe I am living her dream. My mum is an inspiration to me and as well to many who knows her. She have always wanted to get a degree. I remember that day when we were at the Australian Education Fair, as I was busy looking at the many Australian Institutions my mum happened to chance upon brochures and information about a Nursing Degree. I saw that delight in her eyes and how hopeful she was to know more about it. I reckoned if she ever had an opportunity, she would have wanted to take the opportunity to upgrade herself. There were many times before, when she wanted to get a diploma. She never got a chance to, I guess her maternal responsibility took precedence over her ambitions. If only I had all the money in the world, I would have liked to see that degree in the hands of my mum. So I am doing this for her too.

Well there are some things my mum can be proud of. I have been very neat, making my bed each morning, washing my own dishes and often cooking my own meals. hehehe. I love you Mummy dearest.

Mimin's Currently:
Finishing his Briefing Paper on Violence Against Women

Mimin's Praying For:
His Sister NurFarah Liyana to better understand the ways of the world.

Mimin's Yearning For:
Solace

Mimin's Missing:
Mummy Dearest.
EllyqaQistina, AyuSayuBayu,Izzah Hafiya,Iffah Izzati,NurAmalinaSamin,Izwan,Busu

On Bearded Fools & High Sex Drives

2009-04-14T14:28:00.000+08:00

In an article taken off MX (Australia's version of Singapore's Today paper), it speaks about a Norwegian Man who faces a heavy fine and a driving ban after police caught him having sex with his girlfriend while speeding on the motorway. And it is said that the car was veering from one side to the other because the woman was sitting on the man's lap while he was driving.

Haha! I had a good laugh alone at the back of the bus while reading this. Talking about a 'high sex drive'! Such a quirky world.

And I am here to lament about blokes who should not be given the right to roam free in this world. There is this one bloke who seeks pleasure in correcting the mistakes of the other people without looking at his own major fault - his brain. Fancy coming all the way to a foreign land to get a degree but not taking an ounce of reason to base his judgement on. I am in particular perturbed by his view on how he view woman only as a source of fun and not for proper companionship. Well I am may be blowing all this out of proportion but it is all in the name of informing the people I care about a dunce i have
grown to detest.

I shall take to calling him, Bearded Fool. Well Bearded fool, just know that your character is definitely unbecoming of a person whose god given gift was to understand and practice reason. In truth, your brain must be working in a warped kinda way that you cannot see that no one is in favour of your puerile behaviour and views on life.

Before you preach to me about how I should address a person, let me just urge you to take a look at yourself. Obviously you have not been looking at yourself in the mirror sir because food scraps are stuck to your disgusting looking beard. Don't you dare teach me about etiquette when you have not been taking careof your hygiene. So spare me your thoughts and views on others when you don't practice what you preach.

Oh, Bearded Fool, I think you are messing with the wrong diva... and let me reiterate what I say most to people who waste my time, 'Fools like you should be shot! We should put you in a museum of fools who are a menace to society!'

Huff.. Puff... Cool down Amin...

On a lighter and brighter note. I cut my hair. More later on the confessions of a shopaholic - once I am back from harbourtown.

On SATC and Singlehood

2009-04-12T20:03:00.002+08:00

Sex And The City. What more can I say about the comedy drama that makes me squirm uncomfortably and at the same time make me laugh uncontrollably. My former reaction, I believe, is the typical response of most conservatives whose notion of sex is taboo. My friends in Australia are surprised by these fascination of mind which was a topic of yesteryear. My only answer, "Well, where else can I get to watch SATC without having it heavily censorted. It was banned in Singapore for the longest time mind you!" And you will get the occassionally, "OMG! Really. You must be kidding. How can anyone be deprived of watching SATC!"

As much as I agree with them, I feel that the ban is a definite must for a very 'Singaporean' society. Till today sex is a taboo topic. Even to someone like me who is pretty open and up to date of the many different trends in the developed world, the sight of sex on national television is a no-no. I mean in truth, it is great education. It educates one about , other than sex, the many lessons of marriage, companionship, life of 4 singles in New York City and most importantly friendship.

Here in Australia, I am determined to watch films that are banned in Singapore. Other than Sex And The City, a series of queer movies and artistic films seems to fill my list of the 'Must-Watch'. But I wish I had someone special to watch it with. When watching such movies, I feel like a young boy all over again. I watch them with much intensity and interest my eyes pop out. And fanaticism welcomes tears and laughter in that little room of mine. But when such sounds are not given the acknowlegment of someone who can appreciates it then loneliness takes its rightful place. And frankly loneliness has made a home at the corner of my room for awhile now.

I guess couples don't see what I see... They get too busy getting lost in each other's eyes and embrace. Well in truth, what we singles see, is just too obscure.

Mimin's Missing:
Hafyz, Bhas & Naeem.

Mimin's Yearning:
To Be Embraced

On Australian Updates & Women Power

2009-04-10T23:31:00.003+08:00

Happy Easter guys! Finally, a well deserved break. My refusal to skip any of my tutorials and lectures just go to show my utmost dedication to education! Let me just say that I have broken my own personal record. 100 % attendance! It ss a first I tell you. My polytechnic mates will beg to differ if I said the same thing during my Poly days. It was so uncool to go for classes and cooler to be at 'Techno' gossiping.

I am unsure of the drive that gives me such a positive attitude towards school. It must be my studies in political science. I am in love with it! I finally said it! I love studying about the many ideologies of the world and having to analyse wars between Israel and Palestine, Rwanda Genocides and the adverse effects of colonialism in the world. It is a dream come true... All my life my interest in non-fiction books left me unanswered to why there must be so much insecurities within own communities... why racism exist... why religions with the same root and ideals have to fight... why the oppression of women in other countries...

And now with answers within reach, I thank God for being Singaporean... I thank Allah for being made Muslim living in Southeast Asia and Singapore. I thank Allah for allowing my Mother to be my greatest influence. I thank Allah for allowing all my girls to behave the way they are today without having to go through the oppression of our Muslim sisters in other parts of the world. I thank Allah for allowing the women in my life the right and ability to sign their marriage certificates and find their own rightful partners. We are so sheltered from the atrocities of the world.

I learn the communities which are culturally paternalistic devoid women of their rightful existence...

People will say I am a male feminist and truthfully its the rarest kind of male species. But I will argue that I am neither a feminist nor in support of a paternalistic regime. I will call myself a balanced human being. I seek balance. I seek equality amongst all men and women. I seek for women to speak vocally like how all men are given the rights to. From here I urge all of the special women in my life, to reflect on their lives and think of their sisters in other parts of the world who are forced into prostitution, whose genitals are mutilated, whose voice could never be heard outside the house, whose main role is only to serve husbands desire and worse of all depriving women of the education they truly deserve. Go and learn about their plight and spread the word about the injustice. Reflect on your ability to be free and pity those who are not given the same privilege.

Now to my dancers, I hope you understand why most of my choreography reflects the strength of women. Because I hope to see you girls being the strong-willed women I envision this world to have. I am proud that in Singapore, women play a major role in society. We even have muslim women in leading roles in our parliament, governmental and private sectors. Instead of complaining of what we don't have, find happiness in what we do have...

Now, with the study of ideologies such as liberalism, socialism, conservatism and religious fundamentalism, one will question the need for so many ideologies to govern the reason of mankind. Well after learning the effects ideologies may have on individual, societies and nations I am glad that at least Singapore has adopted a style of its own encompassing the needs of various ethnic groups and meeting their demands the best way possible.

I know many are waiting for the outcome of my house. Well, me and Nadya have pretty much settled down. Bought all the things we need for the apartment. I am a gentleman, so I sacrificed my inate desire for the masterbedroom to Nadya. Haha. Well I made the best of what I have. With all the teddy bears, gifts and photos its no wonder my room looks like one a teenage girl's. Well I love my cosy corner. And I made it colourful! A dash of yellow, sprinkles of orange and a whole lot fushcia and you get a masterpiece!

Well I made plenty of friends here. But sad to say, they are younger than me. Here in Aussie, straight after high school you either go to University or TAFE colleges. So that explains why universities in Australia have a more youthful ambience than in Singapore. But it is always nice to hear when your friends say, "Amin! You don't look a day older than 18!" And my obvious answer would be, "Yeah I know right! We Asians have such glowing skin!" (Rolls On Floor Laughing)

After a month a so, you will get the jargon and you tend to speak like them. Haha! Because I realise they understand you better when you speak like them and it helps alot I tell you. Just some interesting facts:

When you say accidentally bumped unto someone, you will naturally say you are sorry. And in Singapore we would either reply, 'Its ok' or even stare at someone for being so blind. Here, the common reply will be, 'Your alright...". And mind you, they are not asking whether YOU are okay, but its a way of saying 'Its Okay". I had to learn this the hard way, when I accidentally bump unto a man, and he says 'Your Alright' and i replied 'Yes I am. Thank you for asking.' And the man laughed. Haha! I feel such a bumpkin.

Well my new bff here is Mena Meladina. She is a fun girl to hang out with. She is from PNG, Papua New Guinea but an Australian citizen. She is awlays helping me understand the different terms used here in and at times makes me wonder what was I doingn when I was her age. Gosh I feel so old. Due my indenial state, I am only 21. I shall not accept anyone saying I am above 21 years of age because in Australia, I am always young! Haha!

Well I am off to Gold Coast, Movie World.

Mimin Misses:
My Besties, Cousins, ZASKA, SNT, DIAN Dancers.

Mimin Demands:
For a well-deserved break

Mimin Wishes:
To Start On His Essays

On Lectures & Barbies

2009-03-08T22:27:00.003+08:00

I wish my brain is a sponge.

My first week of lectures albeit insightful was, Ibelieve, an introduction to prolong headaches and heartaches. I've decided to take a double major in Media Studies as well as Peace & Conflict Studies (International Relations). This decision of mine will see me through multiple quizzez, annoted bibliogrpahies, weekly discussions and worse of all essays. Now when was the last time I attempted an essay? Obviously 3 bloody years back! God please give me strength and a genius's brain.

One of my modules 'Introduction To Political Analysis' would have to be my favourite subject thus far. We are given case studies on the many genocides in Africa as well as historical facts of the both World Wars. I am very drawn to this subject because of my interest in the humanitarian aids and efforts that goes on in the continent.

Loneliness is a norm during this adaptation phase. Sometimes I wish there were people like Noraini to offer a hand of friendship like how she once did during my orientation at Temasek Polytechnic 6 years ago. I think I have taken for granted that every start of my journey was going to be smooth sailing since I 'believe' I know practically every body on the island. Now I am on another island and none of my Singaporean friends are in the same course as me. Gosh, I feel so lonely. These domestic students have barriers that hinders any opportunity for me to work my charm. Haha! And when I do manage to get an introduction through we end with an awkward silence and the flipping of notes-and-wait-for-lessons- to-end a.s.ap. This really sucks. I can't wait for tutorials to begin. I hope to get some true friends to make this journey even more fulfilling.

I had some time before the start of my lecture. So I sauntered around school and decided to give you a peek at how my school looks like. According to many, my school seems to look more like a University than any of the University around Queensland. I should be proud.

There is saying, 'When In Rome, Do What The Romans Do'... and we had a Barbie Evening. Barbequeing during the weekends is a norm in this island. We had great fun and delicious food. Have to thank Hana and Matt for the idea and for buying the set. Also for all those who took the challenge of preparing the charcoal, namely moi and mes frères, Fad & Matt as well as our home-econs teacher Ms Nadya. Of course not forgetting my makan-kaki Sheifztuna!

Mimin's Praying:
To understand lectures

Mimin's Gearing:
To go to the gym

Mimin's Missing:
Mummy.

On My First Week In Brisbane...

2009-02-28T14:44:00.004+08:00

My first week in Brissy was filled with activities just to get myself familiarise with the city. I mean come on I will have to learn to love it sooner or later. Before I go any further, let me just say that Brisban's architecture is boring and it lacks colour.

On a bright sunny day, I am sorry to say, the sight of the city is a turn off and that mundane greyish colour of their buildings do nothing to make me smile. :) (And in one breath) Or maybe I am just too pampered with modern architectural designs of Singapore that it has given me too high of an expectation of how the city I will be living in for the next two years should be like. Damn the Esplanade!

You know what is so interesting about us Singaporeans? Singapore is so small that we practically know each other or some mutual person. Practically all of my friends in Brisbane are friends of a friend. haha :) How cute. Such a small island.

I am too lazy to give you a detailed description of how my first week in Brisbane was. So I've decided to just record some of the most memorable events during my first week here.

Let me just say that the cost for transport here is so cheap. I can take the ferry, bus and train with one ticket. With student concession I can get 50 percent off the adult price! A weekly ticket (I can use this ticket for the whole week for an unlimited number of times) will cost an adult $23.20 but with concession I get it for $11.60.
Imagine $11.60 / 7 days of a week = About $1.65 Unlimited somemore.
In Singapore, a days trip can cost close to $4!
Hehe. Just something to be thankful for.

Me and Nadya took a ferry from school to the city. And the sights on that little ferry or better known as CityCat were magnificent. I enjoyed my trips on the ferry and I swear taking a ferry is so much faster because there are no jams. Brisbane has one the worst traffics in Australia. Alternatives such as ferries and trains are safer and faster. (True without the occasional transport strikes. During strikes, drivers and operators refuse to work. And our legs become the best alternative)

After tired of eating sandwiches, there is a heighten crave for Rice. And my friends, Fad and Sheifa introduced 'Little Singapore' to us. Wow. The cost of one roasted chicken rice was a whopping 10 bucks. But the serving was large. 1.5 serving to be exact. But it was delicious. A taste of home. Something I truly yearn for. But great food will never be as tasty when you don't have great company. Sheifa, Fad and Hana have been very accommodating to our needs. I feel so well taken care of. Oh yeah I am the youngest. So I feel like a little boy all over again. Hehe

True enough, our yearning for asian food brought us all the way to Chinatown. There is where we get our Halal meat and Asian Groceries. You don't know how happy I was to see familiar brands such as 'Lingam Chili Sauce', 'Kara Coconut Cream' and the infamous 'YEO'S' . So shopping for Asian spices and food in Brisbane is pretty easy. :)

Nights in a foreign land can be very lonely....
So I depend on three new furry companions to keep me safe from harm...

Mimin's Gearing:
To Watch MILK. Now have to settle with watching 'The UnBorn'

Mimin's Missing:
Besties.

Mimin's Praying:
Not to over-eat. I tend to do that when I feel lonely.

And So I Left...

2009-02-27T08:25:00.003+08:00

I cannot believe that I am here for a week, chasing after my dreams to get a degree...

It felt like it was only yesterday when I was sitting with Kak Hani at the bus stop telling her of my intentions to go to University...

It felt like it was only yesterday when I was packing up my bag to exit Maju Camp and I told myself that I have a choice and I have to make it soon.

And I cannot believe that the choice has brought me to the land down under.

A whirlwind of emotions engulfed me that very night at Terminal 3. I was firstly greeted by a line of my favourite faces, smiling and welcoming me to Changi Airport. The warmth of their smiles kept my feet pretty much rooted, unable to express my feelings. I knew the aftermath of such an event... I knew I will end up crying some way ... somehow.

I refuse to explain in detail, the list of things that were given or the number of people who were present. But I never knew how much I meant to people. I bet at this moment in time, people will go, ya-ya Amin is just being modest.

In truth, I never knew I meant more to people. I always thought I was just another person so full of himself, he has no true friends to count on. But I saw many faces that night, who has made such a great impact in my life. I am thankfulto Allah for have given me an opportunity to have all this special people come into my life and leave little footprints of love.

I will try to find the time to update soon....

Mimin's Hoping:
To Get A House

Mimin's Missing:
Every Singaporean & Malaysian Person In My Life

Mimin's Praying:
To Get Settled In Very Soon

You came too late. Separated by glass. I felt your touch. But it is too late. Goodbye.

Of Breaking A Cycle & Betterment Of OneSelf

2008-12-16T23:15:00.001+08:00

I thought I've moved on. But I guess telling yourself that you've moved on is not enough, if you have not taken steps to move on.

In my wallet, there is a picture of the one person that fills my stomach with butterflies... It becomes a routine that every morning I will look at that picture just to tell myself that I did my best to make it work... maybe not hard enough. I shall not repeat the same mistake with the next person that comes along. Irregardless of your sudden departure without a proper goodbye, I still love you.

I guess as much the last few lines of that mantra did not work well to my advantage. It kind of made me hold on to every ounce of hope there is...

It took my closest friend to break that cycle for me.

While I was driving... she quietly took that precious picture away... I only realised it in the morning.

At that moment, I became senseless. Unable to think or feel. Just stared at my window, I believe for a half hour...

After that I kind of locked it away and went to work. Till now if you ask me, I do not know how to react to the situation...

As much as I am grateful, the sense of loss is as overwhelming. I guess it is for the best.

Mimin's Gearing For:
Shoppin In KL

Mimin's Missing:
Muhammad Nur

Mimin's Praying For:
Saiful Amri & Family

Of Honour & Recognition

2008-12-14T16:00:00.003+08:00

It really touches my heart when I receive messages, from friends and family prompting me to update my blog. It makes me feel that people do want to read my thoughts and my journey in life. It is times such as these, I am thankful to Allah for giving me the ability to write and construct proper sentences so that people can understand what I have to say. I abhor those who make fun of me and my little space to express my innermost feelings. I pray for those people who has a mouthful of crap but lack the intellect to see the world in a different perspective. Surprisingly these people are among us, shockingly they are your closest friends. How are we to trust when those dear to us choose to betray and make fun of your flaws? I believe Allah has ways to to make these people understand one day.

On a happier note, I received a call from two of my men yesterday. Farid & Razeek. When I first looked at my phone to check who was calling me, I was surprise to see Farid's name. I gave some thought before picking up the phone, maybe because I believe he did not lock his hp's keypad resulting in the surprise call out of no where! (It happens ok! I accidentally called daddy 68 times before)

But I did pick up the phone at the end, and I did not regret it all...

He called to remind me of an incident that happened during our days in the army.

There was this one time when a few of my men and I were stranded just outside SISPEC waiting for the permission of our Sergeant Major to return back to base. Apparently according to protocol, military vehicles were not allowed to drive on civilian roads during peak periods.

We were sent there after lunch to clear some of stuff that were used for an exercise we had the day before. So my men and I worked all the way till the evening making sure all stores were taken care of and accounted for. It had passed routined dinner time and there was no sign of a vehicle approaching with food.

Can someone tell me what happens to MEN when they do not have food to eat!?! They become a difficult, whiny lot and being the only commander there I was pretty much the target of insults. So I did what any other sergeant in this predicament would do... I pestered my Encik for an answer to the predicament. His answer was, "Got combat rations right? Eat ah."

WE ARE NOT IN THE JUNGLE MISTER ARGH! (Note: this was not said out loud. )

Obviously telling the men what my Encik said will not make the matter any better. So out of goodwill and also for the fact that they have done a great job, I bought them MacDonald's with my own money...

Apparently Farid remembered the incident that happened close to 10 months ago... And he in his own words he said,

"No one cared about us. Except for you. So just want to thank you."

I was close to tears...

"You are lucky if at least one of them appreciates what you have done for them..."

Alhamdullilah...

Mimin's Missing:
Bhaskaran, Abdul Naeem, Danish
Charlie Company Men & Commanders

Mimin's Praying For:
Art
Farid & Razeek

Of Ultra-Sensitive Days & Yearning For Sunset

2008-12-06T13:37:00.005+08:00

I've been ultra senstive of late. I believe it must have been the accumulation of troubles & heartbreak, past & present culminating to the outcome of this broken soul.

People everywhere offer the same piece of advice.

And even best friends get too busy with their lives or even judgemental towards my predicament.

I seek solitude. This house lacks any form of space especially with five other inhabitants roaming around, depriving me of time alone to reflect and cry. I need to cry. I have not been crying for awhile. I keep it all in...

I go silent, when the closest of friends say the wrong things.
My voice drowned. My heart shattered. My mind boggled.

He struggles up the winding staircase, inhaling and exhaling his breath for every step he climbs. Clenched in his hands is a silk handkerchief, stained. Its original off-white colour tainted with his bloody tears. On the fiftieth step, he peeps down below. A quick glance and he shuts his eyes tight, unwilling to succumb of his fright... Once on top he looks at the sunset. Oh what beautiful sight he thought. If only...

If only he had someone to share this moment with...

Mimin's Hoping For:
Anyone to bring him watch the Sunset... :(

Mimin's Missing:
My cousins.

Mimin's Praying For:
For glue. To piece up his shattered state.

Of Muallaf & Prayers

2008-12-03T23:19:00.002+08:00

Being a film student has its pros and cons. I enjoyed the movie, I love its content but I have to comment on its camera angles and lack of focus.

M-U-A-L-L-A-F

Suddenly everyone is a Yasmin Ahmad fan. It annoys me how people can speak so proudly of her when prior to this they only know her as just another director from across the causeway. But hey congratulations to Kak Yasmin for having a bigger fan database. What is to not love about this lady who promotes intercultural interactions and religious tolerance through her Film strips. Now Amin, enough ranting and more constructive comments to the movie.

Those who know me would want to sit down for coffee and have an intellectual conversation with me to the many symbols Yasmin subtly slots into her scenes.(By Appointment Only)

A friend informed me how she thinks that every Yasmin movie has the similar themes about interracial relationships and religious tolerance and frankly she is sick of it. "Its boring lah"

I agree. But every film critic has his neutral stance. So I would have to say, I agree but to a certain extend I feel that Yasmin's content is what the masses yearn for. I have to say Muallaf, albeit controversial has a soft touch to it. I am intrigued by how she nicely fits humour and employs amateur actors to portray realistic moments we have in our lives. I feel that Muallaf was more of a documentary because of how real situations can be.

I am very touched by the scenes when both sisters embrace and openly show affection of their love. We lack it in this society, showing how much we love to our siblings. (That includes me...)

And I would love to touch on the utmost appreciation the Catholic teacher had for the Quran... Personally, I do not understand why Muslim Clerics frown on the idea of a non-muslim having contact with the holy book. The Teacher handled the book with so much care. He had so much respect when he turns the pages of the book.

What was more refreshing was to see the attraction between Rohani and Brian that gradually blossoms as the story unfolds.

P.S I use to love someone Catholic too. Now Rohani, we did have something in common.

----------------------------------------------
On a lighter much warmer note, I eavesdropped in BORDERS yesterday. A Filipino lady called home and this was what she said;
" Hey I am calling just to tell you that Uncle P's brother in Australia is critically ill. So Uncle and Auntie P had to rush to Australia. ...........So what I wanted you to do is, when you pray can you include him in your prayers. Oh Thank You."

It really touches me when someone says 'Can you include him in your prayers?'. Speak volumes of a person and her faith in God. Simply inspiring. I will pray for him too.

Mimin's Gearing For:
Some Shopping In Kuala Lumpur

Mimin's Missing:
HaiQel.
Amalina Samin

Mimin's Praying For:
For the lady and her family.
Tin Tin

Of Many Check-ups & Australian Visa

2008-11-27T02:39:00.001+08:00

Applied for my Australian Visa yesterday. Other than then AUD 450 you have to fork out, there is an additional cost of S$110 for the X-ray and Medical Check-up.

I was in the toilet with a cup that I am suppose to fill my urine with and I had an instantenuous DEJAVU. I asked myself, "Now when have I done this before?". I carried the thought all the way until I was waiting for my turn to be checked by the doctor.

And I eventually realise an interesting coincidence. Why does every new journey in my life have to begin with a medical check-up? hehe.

First check-up
5 years ago, the rampaging SARS fiasco caused a stir in many sectors and a full X-ray and medical check up was required before we gain entry into the institution. Since it was my first, I took a whooping 15 minutes to get myself to pee into the cup and what's really funny was my generosity filled the cup to the brim. hehe. The rest is history.

Second check-up
3 years after that, a letter summons for my presence at the CMPB medical centre. I was to go for a medical check-up. This time it includes a blood test. I was alone. No one was there to accompany me through. I had my manly guard up and constantly reminded myself to behave and blend in. I did. I don't want to describe the experience any further...

And so I've completed my visa requirements and will await the results in 7 to 10 days time.

Mimin's Gearing For:
Muallaf!

Mimin's Missing:
Zah, Kin, Awal & Kikie

Mimin's Praying For:
Someone to cut the disappearing act.

You smsed me seeking for forgivenesss. Saying that I taught you the essence of love. And you disappeared again. This hide and seek game have to stop... Don't go ruining my life.

Of Hurling Profanities & Disrespect To Women

2008-11-25T22:16:00.000+08:00

One of the many things I've learn from Pentas was the effect of my words. During one of the rehearsals, I was filled with so much anger I reprimanded my girls. The F-word seemed to have found its place in my hurls toward the girls and the next thing I knew I was exchanging a word or two (a composition length more) with Cynthia with regards to the use of the F word.

"The f- word is in you."

When I first heard her utter those words, I was offended and became defensive. What was to be said after that to Cynthia, believe me, made her very disappointed. I was disappointed for saying all of that to someone who I cared about.

I knew I had to settle the matter quick and cooled myself down. I explained politely my intentions and why I felt offended. She pointed out that maybe my experience in the Army has deteriorated the respect I use to have for women.

That made me think. Me? Disrespect women? I am a male feminist. Supporting any cause for women from wearing the pink ribbon the and helping single mothers. How could I ever be the one to disrespect women?...

I did. Hurling all those profanities just made me less of a man.

To my girls, I apologise. Like what I said that night before Pentas, I will take steps to improve myself and definitely there are many other acceptable words in the dictionary that I can use to hurl at you. hehe.

From the bottom of my heart, I will not cultivate the habit of hurling profanities. Because women are meant to be respected. I've spent 5 years grooming female dancers to be stronger than men, I make them independent and di sanjung tinggi. I will not contradict myself any further by uttering those words. I love all of you. And you deserve to be reprimanded with respect.

Thank you Cynthia for pointing out the mistake that has made me really careful of the words I say.

Mimin's Missing:
Fanana

Mimin's Praying For:
Tin Tin - Congratulations. Cannot wait to watch MENTARI.

"Anyway I wanna forward to you some compliments that I received regarding SNT. They say SNT piece is beautiful and emotionally playful... and some of them wondered whether one of the qualities to join SNT is to be pretty coz they all say SNT girls are pretty" - Tin Tin.

Alhamdullilah. Thank You Allah, for giving me beautiful girls as well as good friends who are talented in enhancing the beauty of women. Syukran.

Of Pentas 2008 & My Journey On The Silk road

2008-11-24T20:12:00.003+08:00

The journey on this Silk road was much difficult than any journey I've been on before. Every time when I see a clear road, my eyes get blurred by the flying sand. It hurts every time I open eyes. Unsure when the sand storm will end.

Rather than sitting and getting myself piled up by the dust and sand, I had to find an alternative to keep on walking.

I had no other means. And so I decided to use my intuition to be my guide through the never ending storm. I needn't go far. I had 19 pairs of hands pulling and pushing me to get in track. I had 19 voices to whisper me through the journey. Telling me never to give up....

After 2 months of walking, I fell. I fell deep into this hole. The 19 voices seemed so distant. I feel so sad. I can finally see but I see darkness and a tiny hole at the end. How do I get there? I could not even see the outline of my hands.

A tap on a shoulder and the emergence of an oil lamp gave me the assurance and hope. I wondered who this character was... The mysterious person nudged me up the wall and soon enough I found myself clawing up the wall.

Even before I could shout for help, I saw Wawa and Lina receiving me with their arms and hands. Obviously I am way heavy for this two girls to grip. With the sound of a whistle, Lina called for reinforcements and two lines of ladies made up of Syiqin, Indah, Asyaqinah, Dee, Hani, Shahidah, Adliah and Marina came running. Quickly they gripped each others waist and after some tugging I was out of the hole...

Relieved, I did not know how to react but stared blankly at the faces of my girls...

Suddenly I hear "Cut! Can someone please put some tear drops on him so that he looks convincing! Busu, Izwan! Make him look dirty. Bib and Hafyz can the both of you stop playing with the curler and do something about his hair! Must I do everything here! And girls what DID I SAY ABOUT THE MIRROR!" shouted the Director.

I instantly knew that it was Cipah. Haha

I did my best. I wanted to describe how it felt during the journey towards Pentas 2008: Sutera.
The entry is symbolic in nature. Silk road because of its relations to the Pentas's name this year and also because the Ancient Silk road was never the most friendliest route to link Europe and Asia.

My girls will agree that my vision for my dance piece this year was pretty much blurred during the first few attempts but it got clearer. I wanted this year's piece to be my best piece before I leave for Australia. I don't know whether it was but I knew I put my heart and soul into it.

The 19 pairs of hands and voices represents the 19 dancers up on that stage that day. I did all I could to train and make these girls all rounders. As much as I was their guide they were my intuition. They created the path for me to walk.

The hole was the hollow feeling during the process of choreographing the dance. But someone came to the rescue. My confidant and senior, Ajitwarna. He was the person who gave me a tap and came with a guiding light to give me faith and a nudge out of the hole.

I was not to climb out of the hole alone. My alumni came to the rescue and gave me support. Their undying support for five years. Their help was much needed.

The part about Cipah was just a candid way to end the whole imagery... Cipah the victim again. hehe

I pushed my girls to the extreme this year. I wanted them to work outside their comfort zone. I wanted to prove to all around me that I was able to bring my girls to greater heights. I think the dance speaks for itself. I hope to hear your feedback of the strengths and weaknesses of the pieces.

I had a special moment that night. After the whole show, my dancers, alumni, my closefriends as well as Dian Dancers were around me hearing what I had to say. At that point, I looked around and captured every face that was in that room with me.

I was surrounded by those who meant greatly to me. Before me were my SNT dancers as well as my lovely alumni. On my left were Dian Dancers as well as Hafyz (who symbolically represented my Army days) and Bib (representing Perkumpulan Seni) and on my right were the four people who meant so much to me, My Bestfriend Yazid, My Sister Syiqin, My Brother Izwan and My Dearest Friend Busu.

For a moment there I thought I was going to die. But an itch on my head came the realisation that the circle was not completed without my best friends, family and cousins. And so I am still alive and at the awkward moment was gone. (*stares at Kikie, Zah, Kin and Awal for not coming)

I will like to take this time to firstly congratulate the Artistic Director and Producers for the great show. Secondly to Nadi Kesenian for not screwing my music and the lighting was fantabulous. Good Job! Thirdly to Titisan Temasek for constantly improving yourself under the guidance of Fifie and Abg Anuar. Fourthly, Puspa2. Nira Nyertika lah namanya. Sungguh menawan anda semua berpakaian baju butterfly beraneka warna. A group that deserves credit for taking great lengths to make themselves better. *winks to Fid, Mamat, Hydil, Achiok and gang. And to Panjy Sry Temasek, for realising your worth up on that stage. Even if it took awhile to realise, you guys pulled through.

Sobah said, "I know just now as you were making your speech, you said that you cannot possibly be complimenting on your own subgroup. But let me be the one to compliment on SNT's great improvement and achievement. It was indeed a beautiful piece."

Thank you thank you thank you. Thank you to Yazid, Busu, Izwan, Deen, Danish and Bib for helping out. Thank you Dian Dancers and my Alumni.

Thank you Maimunah, Radziah, Zu, Shidah, Diena, Khaty, Iffah and Wanee for being the best seniors I can ever have.

Thank You Zelah, Sheiqeen, Yasmin, Aishah, Dian, Fad, Nisa, Shuhadah, Atikah, Shafiqah and Nadia for doing your very best and helping your seniors.

Thank You Catherine and Cynthia for your undying support.

Mimin Loves:
Kesenian Si Anak Tari

Mimin's Missing:
Dancing On Audi 1's Stage

Mimin's Praying For:
SNT's Future

Of Updates And November Events

2008-11-23T19:18:00.003+08:00

My busy schedule has caused time to remain rather still in this realm. This signals a time to update of recent events.

So what has happened since the 10th November 2008?

1) Asian Civilisation's Museum Show with Apsara Asia.
2) Cousin's Wedding
3) Pentas: Sutera 2008

Asian Civilisation's Museum Show 2008 was a blast especially since it was the first show I had to coordinate under the name Apsara Asia. It was difficult to become the project coordinator when you are the emcee and performer as well. But I made it through.

One memorable moment would be dancing and having my Best Army Bud observing from far. Thanks Chan for being there. Finally you get to see me dance on a proper stage rather than our bunks and training shed.

"It made me feel like dancing. pretty intense... but when I saw you just now I couldn't help but to think of our army times. Coz when I was in the crowd watching you it felt like... years have passed and you've moved on doing the thing you love. It was a very strange feeling. I don't really know how to describe it... it was like meeting you for the first time... not sure if it was coz we have not met for a long time. Maybe I was just not use to seeing you standing in front of a crowd and be so .... amin.... "

Chan, personally during the short span of 3 months, as much as I felt that I am free it took awhile to be myself again. But I am glad you saw me that day. I hope you will never be ashame of the amin you know and I hope you can proud to look at me on the world's stage and say... that's my bud, Amin. Thanks Buddy. Thank you for taking time to watch the show.
-------------------

Cousin's Wedding

My whole extended family was treated to a visual feast during my cousin's wedding. They finally got to see me dance. I don't know whether it was the highlight of the event but one thing was for sure, I couldn't find a better time to be walking around with my bright costume and make-up on my face. Hehe! Daddy must have had scratched his head bald trying his best to explain why his eldest son was in a performer's garb and wearing make-up.

But he was my hero. Pushing away the crowd just so that his son and friends had space to dance. That is something I can be proud about. I am so looking forward to dance for my cousin's wedding in Kuala Lumpur. I've promised Kak Siti that it will be a spectacle. *nudges Ajit and whispers, "We better impress them Malaysians... Singapura style!"

Just to rant. It would be nice to hear you say Thank You. Your wedding mister would not have been such a blast if your cousins and relatives didn't pull together to make it a memorable occassion. Just a Thank You coming out from your own mouth is all I need. Just a Thank you. Think about it little boy.

Mimin's Gearing For:
Driving Test... (Scared shitless...)

Mimin's Missing:
Man Man.
My Besties.

Mimin's Praying For:
Siti Noraini

Of Depleting Bank Account & Lessons Learn In Getting A Job

2008-11-10T08:00:00.004+08:00

The working world absorbs all the energy in a person living him feeling as if he is squeezed dry. My only excuse would be work. I've been so tied up I refuse to let any of my impending emotions get in between.

All these societal ideals to how a person should survive in this world makes Mimin a very stressed up person.

Back during the last few months before I ended my time in performing National Service, my men were scurrying to find jobs. I hadn't the slightest idea of the phenomenon manifesting before me. Every single one of my men suddenly had the interest in Newspapers and occasionally the commanders had to take on a case of the missing classified's section.

They were so engrossed in searching fora job, it became the main topic during breakfast, lunch and dinner sessions. Sometimes commanders would have had a hard time accounting strength because we had men booking out for interviews for their prospective jobs.

I believe I must have been too pampered because I felt I didn't need a job and my savings was enough to keep me alive till February.But I thought wrong. When you are twenty-two after National Service, asking your parents for money is a definite no no. So I learn.

I mean come on, after all the military training and lessons in growing up, you should know better than depend on your parents.

The savings slowly depleted and decreased in digits. From a healthy 4 digit now I am left with a measly 2 digit number.

I guess we will only understand the needs of others when we desperately need the needs. And I will say it here, unashamed, that I am in need of money. I should have searched for a job way earlier and I did not take my bank account for granted.

Yesterday, a short meet up with three of my men made me realise how settled they are knowing that at least with a job, they are happy to know that money do come in at the end of the month.

With a diploma I can do more. And yet, I took it for granted. Lesson learnt...

Talking about digits, I am only left with 98 days before I embark on my new journey...

Mimin's Gearing For:
PENTAS SUTERA

Mimin's Missing:
Having someone to hold my waist.

Mimin's Praying For:
Clingy people.

Of The Loss & Understanding Of Respect

2008-11-02T18:38:00.005+08:00

"I've lost my respect for you." Ouch. A phrase DEFINITELY not to be use way too often.

I believe such a dictum does not only degrades a person, it has to be a slap of realisation of some sort for the person uttered to.
To have it directed towards yourself from someone you care about, the moment felt like a sandcastle being washed away by the coming tide. From something you worked so hard to sustain, it crumbles and get swept away in a second.

Personally, to each his/her own. One man's meat is another man's poison I guess.

Back during my army days, respect was everything. You never want to be that person who is not respected or the at the very least feared. As a commander, it is respect that keeps the whole company, platoon or section moving. I believe in every commander, there is a worry whether one day one of their men were to approach them and say, 'I do not respect you.' Because when one has lost respect for their leader, they tend to influence the rest and you will end up fighting the war alone or even worse get shot behind by your own people. Even before you fight a battle, you have already lost.

Indeed I worry. I worried alot. I was afraid that one day if my men were to disrepect me and I lost my grip on them, they would have made my days in the army one of the most difficult times in my life.

I repeat. Never... never have your men lose their respect for you.

Now I understood how it difficult it was to be an instructor- a friend - a teacher - brothers in arms.

I had a conversation with this teacher from a Secondary School of late. And she was surprised at how well a young person like me understand the quandries of an educator. I cited memories back when I was in school and how little respect I showed my Malay teacher. How underserving of her to be mistreated by my daily verbal incitations.

Such a difficult student I was.

7 years later I understand how it feels not to be given the respect from my own students. How painstalking it is earn their respect and build the trust and how easy it is to lose all that by utterring 5 words - I've lost my respect for you.

And so where do we go with this...

Nothing much.Just do what we do best with the best of our ability and with alot of sincerity.

In the words of the teacher I had a conversation with:
'We are lucky if we have at least ONE of our students appreciating all the work we have done.'

Mimin's Current Thought:

Mimin's Gearing For:
105 days to a new journey in my life.
University of Queensland.
Bachelor of Arts.

Mimin's Missing:
Fatin Nadia. Neeta Rajwani Ishwardas. Tjut Roslinda. Nur Amalyna. Siti Adibah. Vanessa John. Ambika Bajaj. Bandhna Kaur Bajaj.

Mimin's Praying for:
Sharifah Mahani Alhabsyee.

Of Being A Rebel & Repeated Mistakes

2008-10-31T01:10:00.000+08:00

Observe a child as he/she grows up and count the number of times he/she repeats the same mistake. Cautioned him of treacherous waters and yet he steps deeper. Warned her how hot the kettle was and she persists on touching it. Warned them of the consequences of playing in the rain, they apologise with puppy-looking faces only when they end up in bed with high fever.

I believe all of us know this rebel. It lives within everyone of us. As young adults we are not excused of becoming preys to our own curiosity and needs to rebel. Have you ever wondered why we fall into the same cycle? We keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again. We fall in love with the same person even when the love ends us back in square 1. We are no strangers to this repeated cycle.

Then what does the saying, "A burnt child dreads fire" or "Once Bitten Twice Shy" even mean to us?

Personally I believe its very HUMAN to go through a multitude of situations and ask ourselves yet again, "When have I been through this before ..."
We are so comfortable going through the dramatic sequence again, the pain feels like a pinch.

But its the sweet rebellion I find intriguing. We keep telling ourselves we do not want to be in the same situation but Lo and Behold we are in it all over again. This entry comes as a recent realisation of my past love stories. Read all my 9 blogs and laughed at every episode in my tween days. I realise when it comes to love... I keep going back into the cycle. I fall in love, fell too deep, needed too much, expectations not met and I end up alone.

Speaking of expectations not met, have you ever wanted something so badly and after much hinting to your lover, there was no action and you end up buying it by yourself. It happened to a particular individual:

Girl: B, can you buy me a flower?

Boy: What for? Waste money. Buy also will die eventually.

Girl: Sighs

(A few days later)

Girl saw a beautiful rose and decides to buy it herself. She meets her boyfriend.

Girl: Sayang can you hold this rose for me...

BOY holds the rose. Clueless

Girl: Awww is that for me sayang? You are so sweet. Thank you.

Girl takes the rose from the boy.

We resort to such extremes do we? hehe. Pity...

Back to the drawing board. Need to get out of the cycle...

Mimin's Current Thought:
I am a working individual now.

Mimin's Missing:
Secondary School Mates

Mimin's Praying For:
Baby DD & Curly

Of Forgiveness and Mending Ties

2008-10-27T17:33:00.000+08:00

This act of forgiveness we Muslims inculcate during Hari Raya, and preferably in our daily lives, is a great way to strengthen ties and mend severed relationships.

During my recent Dian Hari Raya outing, I realise a change in myself that I never knew was imminent. I was no longer just Amin, I had suited myself in the role of a senior and an older brother.

Back at home, I've always tried to push away my responsiblilities as a brother. Afraid of all the obligations that comes with the role. I am never perfect you know. I was just worried I never fitted the role. I thought wrong.

The convivial day had to end with tears. A norm for us because the finale was a session of seeking forgiveness from one another. But what made it even special was when one by one of the young'uns humbly came forward to the seniors and carried out the age-old tradition of asking forgiveness for their shortcomings.

For those who know me, such acts never make me succumb to my emotions. My absence during previous outings has made me a greenhorn to such melodramatic acts. But there is always a first for everything.

I cried. I cried because of the times I was hurt by individuals. I cried because those individuals choose to plead guilty and seek forgiveness. I cried because of the things I used to say. I cried because I have indeed said things that could break one's heart. I cried because I love all those who have loved me. I cried because there is hope in mending severed ties.

I was pretty honest with my thoughts and I am glad the air has been cleared for many. I realise how much people have grown and how different I am today. I guess we will never realise our mistakes or the capacity of words until someone points it out.

As of yesterday, in practising this act of forgiving others and allowing others to forgive us makes feel lighter. Lighter? I feel as if past grudges and disdain towards others have vanished and made space for me to care and love others even more.

Hari Raya will end in two days time. I hope friends and family have forgiven me for all my wrongdoings and in return I want to say that I have definitely find it in myself to forgive every single one of you.

I leave you with this quote from Grey's Anatomy:

"Forgive and forget. That’s what they say. It’s good advice, but it’s not very practical. When someone hurts us, we want to hurt them back. When someone wrongs us, we want to be right. Without forgiveness, old scores are never settled… old wounds never heal. And the most we can hope for, is that one day we’ll be lucky enough to forget".

Oh and Shikin my Maaf Zahir Batin speeches to you are sincere ok!!! Akusepakkau.

Mimin's Current Thought:
I never meant to hurt you. I mean every single thing I said to you. You take precedence over any that I have ever fell in love with. It hurts me to see you cry. Please forgive me.

Mimin's Missing:
Kak Hani Diva. Endang Rahayu. Salai.

Mimin's Praying For:
Ajit.
Casey and mr Senget y2KS

Of Handphones & Contingency Plans

2008-10-25T12:53:00.000+08:00

I had to resort to conventional ways of contacting someone yesterday. Silly mimin forgot to bring his Handphone. As much as I felt relieve from the habit of checking my Nokia every second of the day, I felt naked. Yes. Honestly my handphone has become a piece of clothing. It is no longer a privilege its a necessity for me to survive in this backbiting world.

Suddenly coins took precedence over everything else. Public phones took back its throne after giving way to its modern counterparts, the Handphone. And I had to use the orange public phone at a provision shop with an old-school ambience. I felt I was transported to my younger days when I would use one of these phones to call my mum from the market and make her explain how a 'Terong' (Brinjal) looks like. haha.

But I survived. Haha. I think we are so use living with all these technology we forget how different it was without it.

From the incident Im planning to have a coin pouch handy, buy a phonecard and a little contact book. Cannot rely too much on the technological benefit got to be prepared if anything happens.

Mimin's Current Thought:
113 days. Once it becomes a two digit, the path that looms before me becomes clearer and define.

Mimin's Missing:
Melvyn. Nadira. Kabetha. Azi.

Mimin's Praying for:
Kak Suhada. To have ample rest.
Yan & Yana for the love they have for each other.
Kak Nurul. 25th Birthday.

Of A Dissing Entry & Conflicts Of Marriage

2008-10-22T01:05:00.001+08:00

I believe indeed that marriage is a Bonus bestowed upon us humans by God Almighty for the sole purpose of pro-creating. And many other benefits which includes Halal Pleasure, eternal bliss and a satisfaction that you know you are fulfilling one of many God's 'MUST'. If we are lucky and we do it right our children will take good care of us.

To me it takes alot of courage to disagree with the ideals of marriage. And he/she musn't be judged for having his/her opinion. Instead try to look at it in his/her perspective and the reasons why he/she disagrees with the idea. Maybe the individual has gone through too much in her childhood and have seen how marriages fail. Is the fear that lingers within that scares the shit out of her. And instead of dissing, sympathise with her. Who knows she is actually giving you an alternative view.

Why is it when people want to win in a conversation they bring religion and in this case Islamic jurisdiction. Why? Is it because with every utterance of religion, people quiver.

Listen here. Don't you dare bring in Islamic principles when the sight and pictures of you kissing your boyfriend is placed so publicly for everyone to see. Girlfriend get yourself together first before you ask my sister to get her act proper.

Mimin feels that it is a waste of time for people who disregard other people's perspective to even live in this world.

Like I say, the person who disregard you was never a friend in the first place and she must not have lived in warzone at home. Alhamdullillah, good for you if you have loving parents but not every one is as well off as you honey.

But thanks yeah for giving a clearer insight of how shallow people like you view life.

Much Love,
A far greater DIVA.

-----------------------------

I'm irked at how people blatantly speak out against something and once confronted they scurry to hide like hermit crabs.

I got your back Amalina Sam.

Mimin's Current Update:
Paid the first semester's fee. Can't believe I am going through with this.

Mimin's Thank You:
To Sis Syiqin for refering me to a temporary job. (I Got it!)
To AyuSayuBayu for her prayers.

Mimin's Missing:
My Besties

Of Eat,Pray,Love & Finding A Spot

2008-10-21T12:21:00.003+08:00

When one finds difficulty in searching for an area to contemplate and update his/her blog, he/she should go around the whole house to find the most suitable place.

That was what I did.

I lugged my laptop and the bulky charger practically all over the house and finally found a spot in my dining room. It wasn't really bursting with positive energy but it had space. Here I am surrounded by flowers. Why? Because my dining room's table cloth is all so flowery and a matching cabinet cloth can be found just adjacent to it. The curtains of the dining room is bright pink and my walls are a soothing green. What makes it even great, sunlight seaps through the transparent curtains and it is neither too bright or too dim. Just right. So here I am... engulfed by its warmth and postive aura.

Eat, Pray & Love has been a blessing in disguise. I know reading about a woman's trials and tribulations after her divorce and separation from her young lover doesn't really consider it blessing but it is just how someone manages to heal from all her ordeal that fascinates me.

She travelled to Italy to firstly learn Italian and find pleasure. She found pleasure through food. Her detailed descriptions of Pizzas and Pastas just makes my tummy go wild. She embarked on a journey straight after that to India. There she would live in an Ashram and learn from a guru how to meditate and find peace within herself. That journey found her meditating to a whole new parallel universe and her consistency eventually paid off once she found peace within herself. Her journey to Bali, Indonesia was the pinnacle of this book. Her descriptions of Bali and their many processions makes me feel as if I was just beside her viewing all those fascinating sights. In this last leg of her journey she found balance. A balance of pleasure and peace. She found someone who truly loves her. Someone who wants and needs her. Someone who will take care of her...

I suck at book reviews but I sincerely feel that Eat,Pray,Love should be a bible to all those seeking pleasure, peace and balance. I wished the book was like The Neverending Story. But I realise the author wanted her readers to go find their own pleasure, peace and balance...

I realise its very Human for all of us to seek high and low for these three ideals. Buddha found his under the Bodhi Tree. Prophet Muhammad found his in the Cave of Hira. I believe if only we seek hard enough we shall find. I hope to find mine one day.

"The Yogic sages say that all pain of a human life is caused by words, as is all the joy. We create words to define out experience and those words being attendant emotions that jerk us around like dogs on a leash. We get seduced by our own mantras. (I'm a failure... I'm lonely... I'm a failure... I'm lonely...) and we become monuments to them. To stop talking for a while, then, is to attempt to strip away the power of words, to stop choking ourselves with words, to liberate ourselves from our suffocating mantras."

Eat, Pray ,Love = Done. Now where did I chuck that P.Ramlee book...?

Mimin's Current Thought:
Strives to move on.

Mimin's Gearing For:
Jalan Raya this weekend.

Mimin's Missing:
Robert Ricaro. Siang Yew. Joey Yam. Er Chow Soon. Chan Md Danial. Ronald. Seet. Li Ming. Merv. Winson. Reuben. Danny.
Yao Ming. Ganesh. Salleh. Adi Sufyan. - BSLC ECHO MATES.

Mimin's Praying For:
Nurasyikin Ahmad Shauki.
Hanaa (Farhana Rahim)

Of Getting Caught In The Rain & Boria Raya

2008-10-20T11:40:00.000+08:00

Ajit and I got caught in the rain.

Our feet were soaking wet. And we actually enjoyed it.

*Scene ends with the both of us running to every puddle of water and soaking our feet in it.

Love this childlike moments.

Why wasn't anyone there to take a picture!

-----------------------------

What happens when you put the 4th Best Crew infront of a green background?

We become invisible. Akusepakkau.

A gathering of five close individuals ends with curry chicken and bread. hehe.

Mimin's Current Thought:
Im in need of a temporary job. Anyone to recommend?

Mimin's Praying For:
Nasruddin. Who has been in a coma for 3 months.

Of Bus Journeys & Digging Playgrounds

2008-10-18T21:16:00.000+08:00

In Secondary School, I recall asking my English Teacher, Ms Tracy Tan, where was the best place to study. And she gave me a shock when she proposed I do my reading on the bus.

Now after 5 years, I have to admitt that it is a great idea. I took a bus back home from Rail Mail at Upper Bukit Timah and the journey took me close to two hours. I meandered through Dunearn Road, had a short glimpse of the city, took a full load from Little India and lastly found familiar buildings around Geylang and Bedok.

I am glad that with my military experience, I took on this arduous journey fully prepared. You can never go wrong with One foot long sandwich,2 bottles of distilled water and a great book. (Im finishing Eat, Pray, Love). What made it even more satisfying was having a seat just beside the glass panel and conveniently lean on it when I needed a nap.

After a few naps and a few chapters of the book later, I took a look outside the glass panel and realise I was approaching Chai Chee. Instantenously I was transported to a moment I had with my cousins when we were young, at the playground of our grandparent's estate. I vividly remembered my guy cousins and I profusely perspiring while digging the sand of the nearby playground.

Mimin: Kak beraper lama lagi nak kena korek? (How long should we continue digging?)

Syiks: Alah dalam lagi! (Deeper!)

An: Beraper dalam sey? (How deep!)

Syiks: Sampai kita jumpa China. (Until we reach China!)

Let me explain that we were young and extremely naive to think that if we were to dig deep enough we will reach China. Haha!

So what happened eventually?

We ended up digging to the concrete base of the playground and it did not stop there. We went to another sand box and did the same thing. Haha.

All the 'excavation' made the playground look like a mine-field.

I can't help but smile at how naive we were. Cartoons. It must have been the cartoons.

Bugs Bunny had much better luck than we did.

Mimin's Current Thought:
How did I make it through before?

Mimin's Praying For:
Ili Liyana Izyan.

Mimin's Missing:
Bhaskaran. Andy Teo. Platoon 9. Charlie Company Office.

Of Unworn Baju Kurung & Little Corners.

2008-10-17T11:24:00.002+08:00

Your baju kurung... is left untouched.
Protected by its plastic cover.
Made sure no dust came in contact.
Ready for you to wear.

But you left even before I could show you...

You didn't even know the colour.

You know that feeling when you were a kid and playing in a playground and when night falls one by one of your friends get pulled home by their maids or parents. And you are left alone in the playground playing the swing. That feeling as if you were left behind and no one loves you. Ya that feeling engulfed me last night.

I spend the night at the little corner beside my bed. Just crying it all out. Clenched my heart, unable to bear the spasms of pain that come and go with every heartbeat. Now I look forward to leave it all behind.

Mimin's Current Thought:
Loan Confirm. Next step pay for first semester.
SNT did a great job yesterday. 1 point for Mimin.

Mimin's Missing:
Nadiah Najwa. Lina Liyana. Indah Nusri. Asyaqinah. Izyan Izie. (SNT's 1st Batch)

Mimin's Praying For:
Nadira

Of Pampered Children And Frantic Mothers

2008-10-15T02:21:00.004+08:00

I was on Bus No. 5, when I spotted a pool of people gathered outside the gates of Changkat Primary School. At first glance, I thought it was a mob of people with evil intent but a close study of faces came the realisation that they were just over-anxious parents waiting for their children.

Instantly I thought of a friend of mine and her child. She is extremely over-protective of her child. To an extent it made me a tad bit uncomfortable. She is very particular of the people who carries her child and would meet the demands of her only daughter. Her daughter can only be fed with the proper food and in a certain method. To a point when her baby is tired, she will drop any thing that she is doing and rush home to make sure she sleeps in her cradle.

I wonder. To what extent should parents limit their care and love for their children? When does it become too much?

Back when I was in primary school I detested those who would complain to their parents about the slightest mishap and those who were chauffeured leisurely to and fro school daily.

I guess my abhorrence for such acts only came because I envied the attention and knew that no one was waiting at the school gates for me.

I was the only child then, to two young adults with a hectic schedule. As amateurs, making money to support a growing boy took precedence over taking care of his welfare.

But all turned out for the better. I am glad I was given the opportunity to be independent at a very young age. I knew exactly how to make my way around the whole of Simei even before I was in Primary school.

At age seven, my mum told me she returned to an empty house and instantly dropped her dozen eggs and frantically when in search for her two children.

Apparently according to my mum, she activated my neighbours. After a frantic search, she found me happily walking with my two year old brother hand in hand at a basketball court nearby. She clearly remembered me explainint: "Abang pergi carik Mak. Mak gi pasar lama sangat. Abang teke mak hilang." (I went to search for you. Mummy went to the market for far too long. I thought you were lost)

Imagined what I was capable off at such a young age. I think soon after that I got my own house key, my own transitlink card and I was off going to religious classes alone.

My youngest brother will never experience such a responsibility. Every day since he was born, he is never left alone. Either one of us had to babysit or ferry him to his classes.

I wonder how kids will be when parents over pamper them... I hope they do not turn out wrong... because if they did, their parents would definitely have a heartbreak.

Mimin's Current Thought:
After 50 days, not even a message.

Mimin's Praying For:
Baby DD.

Of Happy Weekends And Maturity

2008-10-13T02:08:00.001+08:00

A well spent weekend. Two days of reuniting with old friends and making current friendships stronger and tighter.

On Saturday, my besties and I embarked on our very first Hari Raya outing. For the first time, I was given an insight to their household and saw pictures of them when they were young. Lots of laughter. Lots of pictures indeed.

I cannot help but notice how much we have grown. Especially my Bimbo.

You grew up right before my eyes.
I saw the girl that used to be you.
I saw you even before Mediacorp first laid eyes on you. hehe.
Now I see a brand new you. The mature you. The lady.

The difference between, Bimbo and the rest is that throughout the five years of friendship, I've been very protective of her. I remember a time when guys would ogled over her and entering the Engineering school of Temasek Polytechnic smelt trouble and testerone-driven boys.

But she is still the effervescent girl I use to know only difference now is that she has MR Moleman by her side. I wish them all of the happiness. Being the 4th most important guy in her life doesn't seem so bad... (alongside her bf, dad and bro)

My next two years will definitely be different without them.

---------

The little Viper Raya Outing was an eye-opener to Hamizan I guess. It felt great to be around the guys who once shared the same bunk, the same toilet and at times the same cubicle with me.

I felt like I was in a time machine that day. I remembered most of the things that happened to us the three months we were recruits in Tekong. I became the story teller. There were more unpleasant recalls than there were pleasant. Hamizan took most of the blow especially since he gave me such a hard time then.

So many great stories. From disturbing little old me in the showers to our leopard crawl drama during field camp to the exact profanities hurled at us during Ramadhan and lastly to the many times we turn to each other for support in times of need.

I cannot help but reminisce moments when my mates turned to me for advice. How our little corner by the lift became a place of solace, a place of gossip and a place to rant. *winks at Ghani*

Suddenly I miss the sunsets we had at Tekong. How spectacular.

*Imagines Ghani with his bucket, Chan with his guitar, Syazwan with his starry pillow joining me to see the sunset...

Such a beautiful image.
Such beautiful friendship.

Mimin's Current Thought:
Do we bring all this memories to heaven?

Mimin's Missing:
My Spartans

Mimin's Praying For:
AyuSayuBayu.

Of Photogenic Experiences And Ajit

2008-10-09T23:14:00.001+08:00

A camera's existence in our lives has only one purpose: to capture everlasting memories. Sometimes when I look at a particular picture, a story can be created (even if its just snapshots of vain-old-me.)

I worry about storing my pictures on multiply sometimes. I worry what if one day, all the pictures in my hard disk are gone and multiply shuts its cyber entrance to all media. And then what happens?

The day with Ajit and his new D60 became an adventorous journey around the east area of Singapore.

It was impromptu. It was unplanned. And it took every single atom of my body to go clashing with other atoms to form molecules to provide me the energy that I need. (It is a metaphor. YOu need not remind me that we get energy from all the carbohydrates that we eat. I am a Food And Nutrition student!)

We ventured from Little India to Temasek Polytechnic to IKEA to Changi Airport.

But time spent with someone so special is worthwhile. Time together with Ajit became a time away from our usual routines and it was far refreshing. I love seeing this side of him. A side stripped of ego, responsibilities and constant worry.

I believe Ajit mature faster than any of my best friends. Among them he had to go through many setbacks before he reached a stage of comfort. Compared to them, he had to work way harder and mature a little faster to be where he is today. Someone so hardworking and intelligent should be given credit. Personally, I can never find a better role model than him.

Determined.Calm & Collected. That is Ajit.

I love how our pictures turned out that day. Splendid.

Mimin's Current Thought:
With the recession, how does it affect me?

Mimin's Praying For:
Busu

Of Best Friends And Spilled Coffee

2008-10-08T11:40:00.000+08:00

What happens when you put four people of different professions together and place them at the viewing mall of Changi Airport's Terminal 2?

You have a session of camwhoring, updates and a clumsy Mimin who spills Kinky's coffee all over the floor.

The best friends was in need of an updating session and I took the initiative to HAVE one. hehe. It is difficult to have regular updates of what your best friends are doing when neither of us are in the same line of work or environment. It is different with me and Ajit because we meet up regularly for dance trainings and shows.

For these three other ladies, it takes one courageous Mimin to send a threatening sms and the next thing you know we are sitting at the viewing mall telling each other of our future intentions. And that includes our first Hari Raya outing in 5 years. See how busy we are!

These are the three people, I run to each time I need a solution, an advice or a change of environment. They remain the same all the time. They are my constant. Only two months ago we celebrated our fifth year together and you can't help but feel overwhelm when Nostalgia brings memories of yesterday and how much we have grown today.

I wish I had a clearer memory, then I could give a detailed story to how they became my best friends. Oh well, these three women are dong well in their careers. Kinky is a Marketing Executive in BBC. As much as her job strips her of happiness, she never fails to put it all aside when she sees us. Such sacrifice. Bimbo is training to be a stewardess. I cannot wait to see her in a blue kebaya. A sense of achievement for her after the many years we have been persuading her to pursue a cabin crew career. She is living my dream for me. Art is a pillar of strength. How she brightens up my life with fitree's jokes and 'Whose Line Is It Anyway'?.

What more can I ask for. We are four people pursuing four different professions but we come together for one united goal. Which is? To be there for each other through thick and thin and be that pillar of undying strength in times of need.

Mimin's Current Thought:
Who do I turn to when I face problems in Australia?

Mimin's Gearing For:
An update on camwhoring with Ajit.

Mimin's Praying For:
Curly.

Mimin's Missing:
Those days in Malay Arts Group Temasek Polytechnic

Of Traditional Garbs And Coy Behaviours

2008-10-07T01:51:00.003+08:00

A friend's recent confession left me questioning.

Can anyone add a guy garbed in traditional Malay clothes and songkok to their FETISH list? hehe. I think its possible. People nowadays sexually fantasize about anything and everything. From Mailmen to nurses to nuns and now someone garbed in baju kurung and songkok. Interesting how the purest and innocent of tends to tickle our fancies.

Suria's recent telecast of Gubra left me astounded. I've watched it once before with Kinky but to have seen it again, I am reminded of my love for Yasmin Ahmad and her ideal protrayal of true love.

Mimin is extremely attracted to the character of the pious mosque caretaker and his wife. Their playful yet sincere affections remind me of a love I've longed for. Two particular scenes exceptionally showed how their love was strong.

Scene 1:
Husband carefully fries the jemput-jemput(flour fritters), a rare chore to see husbands carry-out nowadays. The wife takes advantage of the situation and sneaks up to the plate of fried fritters. She openly shows her intent to take one fritter and stops when her husband sneaks a glance and catches her. Flirtatiously she asks whether she could eat one. Her husband gently tells her to wait till all the dough is cooked and eat together as a family.

She smiles coquettishly, takes one fritter and walks away. Her coy actions incites a sense of ultimate attraction in her husband. The scene ends with him chasing after his wife around the house.Their son who was studying in the kitchen shakes his head in disapproval of his playful parents and continued with his reading soon after.

Scene 2:
After their evening prayers, the caretaker turns to his wife and did their routine salam and kiss on the cheek. His wife coyly bites his ear and they did a mini wrestle.

These two scenes of affection was enough to make me yearn for a love as equivalently pure and sweet.If people was to say that such acts of love are only seen in movies and never in real life, I beg to differ. My parents openly show affection at home and its especially common to see such an act after family evening prayers. This affection to me brings only peace in a household and it becomes an example for sons and daughters to show how they should treat their future spouses.

With the same love, care and respect.

Mimin's Current Thought:
Have you ever wondered, what if our heart had a chance to speak what would it say? Will it speak more of how wonderful love has been for it? Or will it speak of how battered and tired it is going through separations and heartbreaks....? I post this question to all.

Mimin's Gearing For:
Hari Raya outing with the Bitches

Mimin's Praying For:
Fizah Nizam. Khaty SNT.

Mimin's Missing:
The Alphabet 'a'.

No one can understand the capacity of this broken heart.

Of Manipulation And Circumcisions

2008-10-05T03:01:00.003+08:00

As much as its an embarassing event, I am true to my objective (which is to collate as many kampung memories as possible).

The trip to the kampung clinic made me nervous. A few days ago, mummy and daddy sat me down and had a little chat. I was asked whether I wanted to be circumcised. The thought of circumcision did not make me nervous before. Because Atok once told me that its a passage every boy has to go through and it makes one stronger. But the irritants known better as my older male cousins made Atok's impression so far-fetched. They told me of ancient kampung stories when circumcision was done with ice, a sharp knife and sewing kit. What makes their tale so convincing was their ability to portray scenes of the ritual.

So you would have guessed by now what my answer to my parents was: No! I started crying. It took my parents a whole hour to convince me that all my muslim friends in school have gone through it and they are still alive and urinating in urinals. haha. Gosh, I can't believe just a tweeny bit of info can manipulate this primary 1's mind. Which kid doesn't want to have what other kids have. And that includes a circumcised toot.

I trembled abit in the car. I did not know what to expect. In my mind, an imagery of a chicken having its head chopped off keeps reappearing in my mind.
My body was so weak by the time we reached the clinic. Daddy had to carry me in.

FastForward...

And so I am on the surgical table ready for the long needle to be inserted to make my groin area numb. Mummy and daddy positioned themselves near my ears and remind me pray and whenever I feel the pain I should refrain from shouting but call out for God. It worked for the first jab. It worked for the second jab. But as soon as the doctor starts cutting my foreskin off I was screaming as many profanities as a Primary 1 school boy was capable of. Even I was shocked. It must be the environment and being strapped tight to the table. Aaahhh!I even remember kicking the plate of surgical instruments and the nurse had to re-sterilise the whole batch.

I think both my parents were embarassed by my screams. But what was a boy in pain to do. Aiyoh! hehe. Mimin slaps himself*

But the funny part of this whole passage was the aftermath.

Every night for two weeks, some sort of ointment was to be medicated on my toot. And I was to try to urinate. But Mimin is a scatycat.

So the next day when mummy wanted to put it on for me, I ran around the whole kampung refusing to feel the stinging pain of the ointment. Haha. I had to be put down by my Granddad, daddy and uncle. Haha! How dramatic. And mind you I was running around in my sarong.

So mummy devised a plan. To refrain from having the drama ever reoccuring, mummy would put the medication on for me while I was fast asleep at night. How sweet of her. Sacrifice sleep just so that one day Mimin could reproduce and enjoy life. *winks.

A few years later, we were celebrating Hari Raya in the kampung and we went visiting relatives and family members. There was one particular house we were heading to and I had to ask whose house it was. And Dad casually said,"Someone who knows you very well" and both my parents laughed. Clueless... I did not pursue any further.

We met the family and I salam-ed everyone and then the man of the house came close to me. After salam-ing him he said, "Ni ker budak yg aku sunat dia maki-maki aku".(Is this the boy while circumcising him, scolded me with profanities?)

I turned to both my parents and gave them this weird embarassed look. The whole house roared with laughter recapping that particular event.
The doctor turned out to be my Grandma's cousin. shucks*

Amin Amin.

Mimin's Current Thought:
When war occurs in a family, who wins? ....

Mimin's Gearing For:
Bitches Meet-Up very soon.

Mimin's Praying For:
AmaLina Sam.

Why is it always the lovers who run away and I'm left at the bus stop.

Of Time Travels and Broken Clocks.

2008-10-03T00:56:00.000+08:00

Time flies when you open the closet and decide which colour baju kurung you want to wear for the year. I started choosing my own colours and sampings in Secondary 3. This is the 7th time I open that 'closet' only to realise that people has change so much.

I mean where was I when my young cousins grew up.

Surprisingly I was not the only one who feels the pinch.
Wan said: "Amin...please don't change..."

I guess we grow up not looking at the clock hanging on the wall... We become slaves to school, work schedules and our dreams that we forget the longest hand of the clock goes ticking unawares.

As I embark on a new journey, my family will not stand still to look at me. They move on chasing after everything they want. This year will be the last year, some of my cousins celebrate Hari Raya being single. The next few months, I am pretty booked due to their nuptials and engagement parties. Hari raya will not be the same anymore.

I miss those days when we meet.
I miss those days when we queue to get Raya money.
I miss those days when we would sneak out of the house and play catching.
I miss those days when make-up and beautiful clothes didn't matter.
I miss those days when Chai Chee and Bukit Batok meant fun and cousins.
I miss those days when everything starts with laughter and ends with me crying because I lost a game. hehe.

You know what Mimin misses most. Spending time in the kampung. I want to archive as many kampung memories as possible before I die. So please do not be alarm.

I hope my entries help readers long for a day in the kampung. Something we are so lacking of today. When you ask youngster nowadays what was their most memorable hari raya experience, they talk about making kueh, baju kurung and Geylang. Its only those with a kampung or live their days during Singapore's kampung period would know that the village is the birthplace of momentos.

I have so many to share. Which should I begin with...

Mimin's Gearing For:
Kak Eda's Wedding. 4th October 2008.

Mimin's Praying For:
Myself. To remain patient.
Wakskedooski to find a gf.

Mimin's Missing:
Zahillah, Shikin, Kikie and Awal.

It is our attitude at the beginning of a difficult task which, more than anything else, will affect its successful outcome.

Of Shouts And Screams From Next Door

2008-10-01T23:46:00.001+08:00

Earlier in the afternoon, I heard screams and shouts from the next block and wondered what the commotion was about. Like any ordinary Singaporean with the best interest of our neighbours at heart (*winks), I had to know what was going on.

*tries to decipher the screams and shouts.
Pak! Jangan Pak! Orang nak raya bapak buat gini!
Aku kan dah bilang kau!
(Dad! Don't dad! People want to celebrate you want to behave like this!)
(I already told you!)

I guess there were some disagreement between family members and the tense situation made loud screaming an official form of communication.

After understanding abit of the situation, I refuse to eavesdrop any further and sat on my bed recalling a similar situation that occured a year ago.I feel like crawling to my little corner when I hear fights such as this. On Suria & TV3 there are many sad hari raya shows. All with the objective to instill some sense of family spirit and to think of those in need as we celebrate the festive month.

Family disagreements can become a scene in an A-grade Suspense/Thriller movie. You get so caught up in the tense situation you forget to realise the importance of this special day.
How should one feel when he is all dressed up for the occassion and his parents chose of all the days in the calender to quarrel over a minor faux pas? Do you get involve or do you sit and see them spoil the day?

Well I chose to intervene and the first day of Raya 2007 became one of the worse days of my life. So Hari Raya 2008 will not be a repeat of the year before.

I did everything in my power to make sure Mummy doesn't go berserk or Daddy loses his patience waiting for us. And let me just say, my help in this matter was way worthwhile than the year before.

I try as much to make Hari Raya this year a meaningful one. The one reason being, Mimin may not make it back for the festival next year. (Shall not spill the beans to why yet). We can try very hard though but Aidilfitri in Singapore is just not how it use to be... I would really love to celebrate Hari Raya in my Kampung. Oh how beautiful that would be...

Mimin's Current Thought:
I do not want to eat anymore. I work so hard on the diet and I feel myself growing as I eat all the nice food.

Mimin's Missing:
Bhaskaran. Naeem. Rifqi.

Mimin's Praying For:
Bhas's mum.

Your message left me crying... I wonder what you are trying to do to me now. You run and you come back. Is it a cycle for you?

Eid Mubarak 2008

2008-09-30T22:49:00.005+08:00

Of Separations And Rude Exits...

2008-09-27T01:21:00.001+08:00

My lover's recent-sudden departure has left such a great scar that till today I am unable to come to terms with. And I share this here because I have harboured it for too long and still pray for a proper closure.

In the words of Kinky: "Noone is going to give you that closure. You give the closure yourself." Indeed I have tried. I have tried endlessly but all attempts seems futile.When the separation occured I was reminded of a scene from the past. A scene if I try to decribe here would at least leave you readers a sense of remorse. Let me try:

-----------------------------------------------
*Atok = Granddad
*Nenek = Grandma

And so Atok was brought back to the house, all clean and ready. Everyone was gathered that day. Even people from the kampung made the journey south for this event.I was still in primary school then, and I could not understand why atok had such an importance to all those who were present.

Atok was known to be a tyrant to the whole kampung. He was a disciplinarian, a mosque-dweller and a businessman. He was admired and feared at the same time. As a young boy, I've seen how a normal conversation can end with atok's booming voice encompassing the whole kampung. No one dared to speak without thinking.

I wondered why with such a reputation people bothered to visit...

Everyone I knew sat gathered near atok. All looking at Atok...

"Mak? Why is Atok hidding underneath the cloth?" I asked.

Atok, everyone, everywhere is here to see you and you choose to hide, I thought to myself.
And then I saw Nenek. She wasn't her usual self today. Her cheerful smile seemed distant. Her face half-covered by her favourite hankie.

Out of a sudden, there were murmurs. The murmurs became louder and more synchronised. The old man infront of me seemed to be leading a prayer of some sort. It felt like a game. He ask a questioned and everyone answered.

My uncle crawled towards Atok, and lifted the end of the white cloth to reveal Atok's pale face. He seems asleep. Can't he hear all of us at all?

One by one of my mother's siblings approached Atok and gave him a kiss on his forehead. Hmm... such a rare sight. They rarely showed such affection to Atok.

I got a nudge. Daddy pushed me towards Atok. All my cousins came flooding behind me. One by one wanted to give the same affection their parents did. I did not want to lose out to my older cousins and quickly gave a smacking kiss on Atok's forehead. I gave a victorious smile. But nobody noticed. Even my cousins did not want to play... :(

At the side Nenek's cry became louder and her hands trembled at the sides of Atok's cloth.She stared intensely at him... trying her best to control herself...

And her weak voice was finally heard. She said...

Nenek: Abang, jangan tinggalkan Puteh...
(Dear, don't leave me....)
-----------------------------------------------
For those who could not understand the whole situation that I have placed here, it talks about my experience during the event of my Maternal Granddad's funeral... And how affected I am till today what my Late Grandma said to my deceased Granddad.

Till today, Nenek's plea remain etched in my mind. Even to the end, she found it difficult to separate from the love of her life. I tried my best to recall this scene and after all this years, I treasure this act of love. Yes indeed Atok was feared but he loved. He had a different way of showing love but he loved. And he loved Nenek very much.

Please do not look at this act of love as dramatic. Because it is only natural how different humans act towards the death of people they love.

Mimin's Current Thought:
After you leave, one question still lingers in my heart... Was I such a horrible lover that you had to leave without saying goodbye?

Mimin's Gearing For:
A new hairdo for Hari Raya.

Mimin's Praying For:
Ramkumar Kabetha Bai.

How could an Angel break my heart? Why didn’t he catch my falling star? I wish I didn’t wish so hard. Maybe I wished our love apart.

Of IKEA And Role Plays...

2008-09-26T01:46:00.004+08:00

And so Mimin, Ajit and Wawan made a trip to IKEA. If the sight of three young men playing at the playground nearby disturbs you then patronizing IKEA makes a great alternative.

What was to be a shopping trip to decorate our individual rooms became hilarious attempts to re-enact situations in the office, at home and in the kitchen. Obviously I am unable to literally act out those crazy moments, the three of us had at IKEA, but what got to me was that childlike spirit that lives in all of us; irregardless of age. *Stares at youknowwho.

And if you think I was the mastermind behind all this impromptu antics you thought wrong darlings. It was Mr Ajit himself. We would enter an office showroom and re-enact how two colleagues would gossip about a boss and what's great about IKEA is they even have stationeries like Files and computers around to make this role-play real. Hehe!

Another great fact: When we were searching for Wawan's prospective bed, we had time to sit on a sofa and chit chat for a close 15 minutes.

Just found the time I spent with these two guys really special. It is not everyday we strip ourselves of our daily identity and allow our child-like senses to take the lead. Even if it was just another day to them it was special to me.

Funny moments
Wawan was queueing up to withdraw some money when Mak Nyah sashayed by. She was asking some individuals in the queue where should she queue and all of them pointed to the last guy who fortunately/unfortunately was Mr Wawan.

*Struts over to Wawan and positioned herself behind him.
*Mak Nyah strikes a pose and worked her charm on the poor/lucky guy.

Wawan being very uncomfortable in the situation he is in, quickly took Ms Gong's hand and held it tight. A sign to show that he is attached and doesn't want to be disturbed. Upon seeing the act, the Mak Nyah had only this to say:

Mak Nyah: Boring lah korang ni! (Walks away, did a sharp turn and stared at Wawan)
Mak Nyah: Papa Jahat!

Wawan lucky guy you! Hehe. That was a great example of a role play. Hehe!

Mak Nyah = Transverstite / Transsexual / Cross-dresser.
Can be deragotory. Common general term.

Mimin's Current Thought:
Everyday without fail and with much restraints, Mimin would sit by his window and look down at the carpark below. Waiting... If... Just what if the vehicle that came by was you... Then I know hoping was never a chore in the first place.

Mimin's Gearing For:
Show @ Taman Warisan. Closing Ceremony of Hari Raya Light Up 2008.
Saturday. 5.30pm sharp.
Featuring Atrika, People's Association Malay Dance Troupe & DIAN DANCERS.

Mimin's Missing:
Kinky. Bimbo & Art.

Marriages are made in heaven. So does lightning and thunder.
- New Urban Male T-shirt worn by DD.

Of Bus Rides & Luminous Pink Undergarments

2008-09-25T00:12:00.004+08:00

I love bus rides when you are accompanied by people who do listen. And yes! I would appreciate company who actually listens to my experiences. Two young ladies became victims to an insightful chat regarding early marriages and young divorcees.

I feel that I am no stranger to such circumstances because of countable friends who has made decision to lead lives 'blissfully' attached. Sadly not many with the true intention of love. Unfortunately not many who do last.

A friend recently called it quits for her marriage to the guy she was forever in love with since secondary school. A life to me that seems to be more than just never-ending episodes to a typical soap drama.

The man she deems the love of her life, the man who she left home for without parental consent, the man who vowed an everlasting love, the man who she defiantly married without the restu of her parents... was indeed the man who cheated on her for a younger girl.

After all that has been said and done. After all this drama. What is left for her?... It left her nothing. Her pursuits to prove cynics wrong left her fighting the battle alone...

Even after all these years, I silently pray for her well-being. I hope she pulls through all of this. I hope her little offspring will be taken care of with the best of her ability insya-allah.

On a less heavier note...

A lady just realise that the combination of a white dress and luminous pink undergarments did more than just satisfying one own's curiosity. It managed to gather the attention of Mac Delivery Riders in Macdonald's. Hehe! Love you Ms Gong!

Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.
-Kahlil Gibran.

Under My Blanket...

2008-09-24T12:32:00.003+08:00

I was gone from February till the end of September... So many memories left undocumented. So many key events unrecorded. Only pictures become my sole evidence that I have lived. Yes, I have been living mind you. Living life like barnacles on the edges of rocks, awaiting my fate each time the tide comes high.

I am not about to fill anyone what sort of events have happened in my life thus far, only that I am to start life a new and in a few month's time insya-allah in a whole new environment. *winks*

I try to excite myself with all these thoughts sometimes, but you get sucked in by your distant past. And you wonder sometimes whether you should even welcome this past of yours back. Would it make things any better?

But I try hard to make myself busy and happy. Refusing to recall a month of anguish. I try. Really I do. *sigh to no avail sometimes.

Dalam laut dapat diduga, Dalam hati siapa yang tahu.

*Shuffles to the room...

What am I going to do now? Well, I have a blanket, a torchlight, no biscuits (I'm fasting remember?), my laptop, my book (Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert) and a 'No Disturb Sign' neatly pasted on my blanket with two flimsy tape.

So what are you planning to do?

I am just going to hide myself under my blanket, finish up blogging and read my book. I refuse to care about the world's events when my life itself is a civil war between my mind and heart.

And mummy comes in to the room...

Mummy: Along can you help me...

Me: No mummy. I have helped the world enough today. I'm no superman. Along want to read book. Look at the sign! What did it say?

Mummy: It says if you are not going to help me, I am not going to buy you that brooch!

See what happens. Such a beautiful Mother and Son relationship. The power to authorise. The power to threat. Mimin lost the battle, yet again...

I've loved you each day since we began. And when you left I continue to love even when there was no hope...

Of concepts and ideas of love.

2008-09-23T23:59:00.000+08:00

After my recent break up, I have been in search for answers; mainly the truth. Haven't had that for a long time. People tend to shun the truth don't they. Well, as for me I get slapped by the truth and nothing but the truth.

My best friends were the key people in bringing the truth to me. And frankly, nothing hurts as much having those dear to you laying out your faults. But they have been very cautious in making this process as painless as possible. Bull!

Art has tried to point out the reality to me and even sited her own experiences. And how interesting is that because it is not everyday you have Art to share her 'past' experiences.

Bimbo's emphasise on time has given me mixed reaction lately. 'Time will heal all wounds'. Darling it doesn't seem to be working!

Ajit gives good hugs and admonish me regularly on the things I say to other people and of the enemies I have accumulated along the years due to my mouth.

Kinky being a master in the art of consoling fallen friends have given me a fair insight of my rights and wrongs in my relationship.

Great advice nonetheless. But Mimin still needs answers.

So I turned to an ex-lover whose existence in my life was to satisfy my fantasies of having an admirer during my days as a polytechnic Arts Junkie.

As much as I appreciated truth, I felt we were being more careful with our words, than trying to console me of my unhappiness. hehe.

I only have this to quote from our conversation:

Me: But you did love me back then right?

N: Umm... I fell in love with the concept of you.

Let me explain, what said person was trying to say was, there was this idea of me that N was in love with. But when an illusion of me is replaced with what is real, the ideal was far better choice. As much as the truth hurts, it allowed me to just lock N's memories in a case and dispose of the key. Hehe. In conclusion, there was no love in the first place.

But do not confuse yourself, N was someone I loved during my Poly days not the recent one.

This idea of love just gets to me sometimes. In truth maybe I am over this recent lover. I am just in love with the idea of having someone to love me. Or Am I?

Can we ever live a lifetime without having someone to love?
This is the question I post to you...

Hate This Thing Calls Love...

2008-01-30T11:01:00.001+08:00

Hate This Thing Call Love...

I sit in my bunk wondering whether I’ve done the right thing. In fact have the decisions I’ve made in life ever ‘Right’ for me...

As the thought lingers, I came face to face with memories of my past... time with ex-lovers , those coulda woulda shoulda moments & the famous Shakespeare finale, Tragedy!

Tragedy seems to have been the main episode of my life. One after another I see myself fall from what I proclaim as victory. Pounded to the ground hard & minced like beef.
Indeed I am tired. I am definitely exhausted by the constant nature of my love life. *inhales & exhales deeply*. But when will I ever call it quits? When do you say enough is enough?

It doesn’t happen quite often this thing you call LOVE. You embrace it wholeheartedly; unaware of the trap you are in. It seems to have promised eternal bliss. It may cease to be a trap, if life works out for you but if doesn’t its treacherous.

Sigh.sigh. Hate this thing call love...

Dance Like A Dirvish...

2008-01-28T10:57:00.000+08:00

DANCE LIKE A DIRVISH

With all these emotions running high when it comes to love, it’s a no wonder, they’ve decided to open P.S I LOVE YOU in theatres on Valentine’s day. So who is up for it???

As usual on a lazy Sunday, my vendetta to kill boredom left me furiously surfing the internet in search of things to do. I left the TV on just as an alternative while waiting for the pages to load. It was conveniently on STAR Movies and the movie features was ‘Meet Joe Black’. My only memory of this 1997 movie was Brad Pitt and the sensual love making scene he had with the leading actress. If I remembered clearly, this movie had a ‘special’ mention in the Friday prayers’s sermon, calling it absurd to have an angel of death fornicating with a human being. The Imam urged patrons to practice self censorship and to discourage young minds not to be too influenced by the media.

As I wait for that controversial scene to appear, I fell in love with one the dialogues the character had with his daughter...

“I want you to get swept away out there. I want you to levitate. I want you to sing with rapture and dance like a dirvish...Yeah be deliriously happy or at least leave yourself open to be. I know it's a cornball thing, but love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. I say, fall head over heels, find someone you can love like crazy and who'll love you the same way back. How do you find him? Well, you forget your head and you listen to your heart. The truth is, there's no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love, well, you haven't lived a life at all. But you have to try, because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived."

If only what he said was true. If only falling in love is like that. I want to dance like a dirvish. That is a like state of being one with GOD. Wow.

P.S. I LOVE YOU

2008-01-23T10:54:00.000+08:00

P.S. I LOVE YOU

I’ve been wanting to do a review of the latest book I read, P.S . I LOVE YOU.
I swear you should never bring this book to camp. In the moment when I was buried deep in the book, the whole office went abuzz teasing me by asking which PS (Platoon Sergeant) I was in love with. Hehe. Lame.

This book seems to be a hit among young ladies especially those who after reading it yearns for the same treatment from their partner. I believe some prefer writing letters now. Guess this medium seems easier for communication.

My boys for instance informed me that their missus were reading the book and apparently their ‘wives’ are wishing that their partners write love letters to them now. It is surprising how much an impact a book can have on a person or persons for this matter.

I am not about to go in depth because I hate writing reviews but... I can only say that it is a well written story that touches the heart and encourages the reader to be appreciative of the person he/she loves. Moral of the story: After the lost of a love one, it takes time to heal. Time to move on. And I think it is a creative way to proclaim your love by writing letters to prior to your death. And making your lover open one letter per month and urging her to carry out the duties you ask her to do. Example: To give away the clothes belonging to her your dead husband. It must have been hard.

I wished the literate male community could spend time to read this awfully romantic book. But girls I hope you don’t expect too much. Fanatic behaviour may just lead your partners to their graves. haha.

Divine Enough For You?

2008-01-21T10:42:00.000+08:00

Divine Enough For You?

I was rummaging through my bag in an attempt to locate my pen when I came across a crumbled Sony Ericsson W960I brochure. Two instances today made me feel that God has given me a sign to buy this new Sony Ericsson phone.

And as I glanced up after reading the contents of the brochure (acknowledging that it was way beyond my budget) lo and behold the whole MRT cabin stretch had promo stickers of that same phone.

Bemused by the whole moment, I can’t help myself but laughed. I am convinced that Sony Ericsson is trying a whole new technique of branding. Divine Advertising. With all this desperate measures, they should promote HEAVEN. Hehe. Well done, Well done indeed.
Oh yeah it is in my wishlist... ahem...

Remembering Benazir Bhutto

2007-12-28T17:23:00.001+08:00

Remembering Benazir Bhutto...

When you read the Koran, you will learn that Islam is respectful of women and honors them ... And anyone who does not -- is not a true follower of Islam. – Benazir Bhutto

Fish out of water

2007-12-28T10:00:00.000+08:00

Fish Out Of Water

What was to be, in my opinion, a gathering of friends @ Hard Rock Cafe turned out to be a wrap-up party. Kinky wanted to introduce me to her friends, a group of ladies presumably from media companies and high profile jobs. I shun away from the opportunity to know those attractive women. Why? Maybe because I felt really out of place. I dressed like a poly student with t-shirts and imitation shoes and the people around wore expensive shirts and don belts of designers whose names I can’t properly pronounce. I am outdated and I was just afraid to speak. I do not wish to come across as someone who is trying too hard to blend in.

I wish I was more pro-active like how Kinky has always been with my friends. I wish I was as attractive as Bimbo to have people complimenting me before they introduce themselves.

With this inferiority complex, my poor best friend had to keep on finding for me. And where was this hermit crab? Standing behind the wall beside two Filipino ladies talking about their latest catch.

What happened to me? What happened to the old me? The Amin who would flaunt himself perpetually anywhere… everywhere!

Has National Service made me so outdated and out of sync with my Public Relations skills? Or have I became too Melayu for this crowd?

Pangs of loneliness struck me at the rate I was unable to contain. I needed familiar faces. I needed familiar surrounding. I wanted to make a comeback. *Stamps feet like a little boy*

I hope this is temporary. I just want to be with my best friends. Now I feel like a loser.

Jungle Fever

2007-12-28T05:18:00.000+08:00

Jungle Fever

I shut my eyes to the flickering lights of assorted colours. I embrace the loud music as it thumps together with my heartbeat. Surrounded by Bimbo and Deli, we showed off our moves as our eyes scanned the room in search of a potential lover.

Other than the futile manhunt, I observed people of all walks of life coming together in this arena. They stripped themselves of their normal self and adopted a character unknown to themselves. Possessed.

I freed my senses. I allowed my limbs and body to move in harmony with the hiphop beats. I feel as if I am in a zoo witnessing animals coming together. Jungle fever. Tall figures stood still, dumb struck and unable to dance. They remind me of giraffes, undeterred and nonchalant of the gyrating of bodily movement encompass. At a distance an overgrown ape disturbs the peace of a group nearby with his excessive movements, obstructing the people around him. Just beside me a group of hyenas, sat drunk and laughing at a plight of their member who has spilled beer on a passerby. A group of hawks perched on the second floor, set their eyes on beautiful preys, just waiting for the right time to sweep in and collect their kill.

I didn’t know why I was there. It must have been this jungle fever going around. Alluring me with the hopes to let myself lose and forget the anxiety within me. Yup, maybe that was the reason. Or was it mainly because Luqman was around and it has been awhile since I hang out with Bimbo.

It wasn’t in my itinerary for the day to enter that venue. I wanted to find my own sanctuary to reflect and find peace within myself. But I have to say it helped temporarily.

Oh yeah Luqman, you were a joy to look at. Safe journey home to Australia. You too Jeremy.

My First Love Story... - An Introduction

2007-12-23T18:03:00.000+08:00

My First Love Story... - An Introduction

I was in need of something deep to fill the crevasses in my heart. The gaps become apparent as the day goes by. And so…

I rented ‘Mukhsin’ – a Yasmin Ahmad Film. I watched when it first opened in Singapore and it is MUST to watch it again.

I wanted Nostalgia, I yearned for something cultural and I needed love. This film had all of the above.

I hate writing reviews. So I am just going to put some pictures and a quote from the film.

But after watching this film there are somethings I wish for…

1) I wish I had played in the rain with my mother…
2) I wish I had a childhood playmate
3) I wish I had a bicycle moment with the person I love
4) I wish someone could have given a kite with a message on it
5) I wish I was living in a kampung…

"The minute I heard my first love story,

I started looking for you...

Not knowing how blind I was.

Lover's don't finally meet somwhere,

they are in each other all along."

Hearts of women

2007-12-20T17:20:00.000+08:00

Hearts Of Women

I sit in the pantry completely immersed in Leila Aboulela’s Minaret. It is a story of a Sudanese aristocrat’s daughter who moved to London, after a political coup. The aftermath of the coup left her an orphan & her twin in jail. She struggles with life in search of a living and eventually founds peace in her love for Islam.

Personally I do not know why but my recent books are mostly about women especially muslim women. Stories of oppression and misinterpretation of the Quran has become my cup of tea. I realise after reading one, I itch for more.

I’ve practically read stories of women from Iraq, Iran, Sudan & Somalia. Just some of the Islamic countries who prides themselves in leading their countries following the Islamic principles and reinstating the days of the first ummah – in the time of Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him)

After much research and gaining insights regarding the community led by our beloved Prophet, I feel as if these countries are just trying too hard. Look at the state of the people; look at the state of the women and their struggles. It feels as if their drifting further and further, never on par with the first Ummah let by our Prophet.

The misogyny of women only degrades a society. It weakens the structure of a community. I mean look at most patriarchal families and you will notice an imbalance of discipline and moral duty.

You needn’t go far… Look into the Quran and you find a whole chapter especially for women, a dedication to their existence and importance in a community.

But why do men still misinterpret and selfishly promote their misogyny.

Haven’t women breastfed the young, ensure the stability of the household & become guardians of your children. How unfair and cruel…to satisfy one’s desire to prove their patriarchal supremacy.

Call me a male feminist but we men have more to learn and understand of our other half…

Pantun...

2007-12-14T02:17:00.000+08:00

PANTUN...

Found love through a traditional form of art called Pantun. A challenging mode of communication between two individuals, it acts a buffer which neutralizes the characters of both parties. It is a humble attempt in expressing true emotions and feelings that cannot be described specifically. Easy to say, it’s a long winded alternative to the common expressions of ‘I love you’ and ‘I want to spend an eternity with you’

Question:

Anak watan tidur terlena,
di atas katil yg disap sedia.
Sahaja aku menumpang sebelah,
memerhatikan si dia di sana.

Kelihatannya tenang sekali,
bagaikan bayi didodoi manja.
Aduhai sedih sekali,
kenapa tidak aku dijemput mimpi bersama?

Answer:

Sungguh sunyi suasana malam,
duduk seorang di tepi tilam.
Memikirkan kamu siang malam,
bersama siapa kamu makan malam...?

Melihat waktu baru jam dua,
berat hari meninggalkan rumah.
Hendak berjumpa teman istimewa,
pulang nanti tunggu lah saya.

Main monopoly mengguna dadu.
Main congkak tersedu-sedu.
Saya di sini mula merindu,
tanpa kamu di sisi ku.

Selamat Malam.

Haha. Such fun.

THOSE DAYS...

2007-12-12T01:54:00.000+08:00

THOSE DAYS...

Take some time and walk down memory lane and you realise how far away those days are gone. And a sudden urge to relive those days is only triggered when you have these people to reminisce them with you.

We chatted about everything from past PENTAS productions and how corrupted the tarian world is. But the essence of drama and the love for the Malay Arts still lives in our hearts.

We practically grew up together in Temasek Arts Centre, running around barefoot from one room to another, observing each other’s practice time. There was only life in TP when the malay arts group all came together for our annual production PENTAS.

Standing by the koi pond at Temasek Polytechninc, fond memories engulfed me with emotions that could only expressed through tears and neverending laughter. I could practically hear the dikir boys and girls belting it out together practicing their usual vocal pieces. Drama mates running around possessed with their new characters. My tarian girls giggled as they recall their steps for their upcoming show. The Nasyid boys finding a small corner of their own trying their best to sustain.

I miss those happening days. I guess all that doesn’t seem to exist anymore, groups with their own agenda seems to rule the kampong life we use to know. Camaraderie is just in old photos kept away in old shoe boxes.

In due time all that is remembered of this fateful group will be its unprofessional technicalities and fanciful costumes.

But nonetheless the efforts of this year’s production should not be put aside. I was not there for this year’s production but hearing from feedback, potential characters stole the show. Three cheers for them!!!

I was sad I was unable to see my girls. I managed to have glimpse of their piece in videos posted on youtube in Taiwan’s Chiang Kai Shek Airport. So near yet so far. They were beautiful. They executed the two pieces well with the best of their ability. They were practically flaunting it.

I saw bravery and passion in these girls. Their every execution was a tribute to life itself. It was a dedication to their love for the arts and their undying affair with their group. Heck about what people have to say about the choreography. It only means I have a long way to go. The girls were strong. They are a reflection of what women should be today.

I thank all of those who were there to give the girls support. The presence of the Dian dancers only proves to be a blessing! Ajitwarna’s assistance and love for my girls deserves the utmost recognition. I felt safe to know he was there for them. I have to say this with a tinge of jealousy; Kesenian Si Anak Tari would not have been great without him. I love you best friend.

Two of my special people were there to grace the occasion too. I only got to know of their attendance through pictures. I appreciated their comments and their help. Thank you curly and B.

As for Sis Ifie, Sis Syiqin, Wawa, Lina, Asyaqinah, Indah, Adliah, Diyanah and Hani I love all of you for being there for me and for the girls. It would have been perfect if all my girls were there to witness it.

And Cipah, you have to learn that when we do things it is not nice to ask for anything in return (Where is my bouquet of flowers!). I will have to say that this girl really oulled it all together for this PENTAS. She is persistent character and will do anything in her will-power to get things done. I have to say among the many subgroup heads that have come and go, she has proven to be the best and has kept the group going even in times of dire strain.

And this is especially commendable with the great relationship she has with her assistant Shahidah. It has been awhile since I’ve seen a great couple at work. They are a great example.

Sharifah Mahani and Shahidah both of you deserve two thumbs up and smack on the butt. Gggggiiiirrrrllll!!!

I got this quote from Martin Luther King:

Intelligence plus character. That’s the meaning of true education.

I am not about to sell ‘koyok’ but I believe my time in Temasek Polytechnic is truly what I call True Education.

I Detest...

2007-12-09T01:03:00.000+08:00

I Detest...

1) Melayukan pemalas (Malays are lazy)
2) If there is a devil around, we follow the devil.
3) It is not that we don't wish to do it, its just that we are lazy.
4) I thought you are very 'relax', never thought you will be angry.

These were the nonsensical, blasphemous excuses my men gave me whenever I caught them doing something wrong. Frankly, I feel its whole lot of bull.

The debate we was about executing our duty well was a whole lot of crap. It had no basis and with such excuses being uttered, I feel it was a waste of time even trying to make them realise their mistake.

Initially I wrote a long entry regarding an incident that happened during my shift but I realise it was written with so much anger it sounded bias and unjust.

I guess if I had the courage to tell that particular person off I would have inform and educate him this...

What do you mean by Melayu Pemalas? I bet there are many out there who would have disagreed with you. Look at our parents. Would you have unlimited supply of food and clothes without their hard work to earn? Before you even say such a statement, have you ever wondered about all those who have put in tireless and unrecognised effort to contribute to society and nation? What about our ancient forefathers who helped in building our nation?

What lazy people are you talking about? What 'special' benefits do we get? Am I not informed about a bumiputera plan or something?

We malays climbed our way out of poverty and uneducated backgrounds to be on par with our counterparts. We practically make full use of free education and the opportunity to enhance our skills to be better and useful people.

We even prove to others that we need no special treatment to get us going!

So what f-ing 'Melayu Pemalas' are you talking about?

I simply hate such lame excuses and its because of sentiments such as this that degrades a community. Even if it was meant to be a joke, I believe that an comment such as that is undeserving and should not be shared to people who have worked hard to be where they are today.

Islam: A short history - Karen Armstrong

2007-12-01T22:16:00.000+08:00

ISLAM: A short history - Karen Armstrong

It is surprising especially with my busy schedule that I am able to complete a book within a week! That is an achievement.

This is no ordinary book. It is a short history of a religion misconceived by many.

I was hooked by the facts unknown to me and information that I’ve always wanted to know.

An example: Why are the Muslims categorised into Sunni Islam and Shii Islam? And are we further categorised into the different schools or Madhabs?

Karen’s attempt to give a better and clearer insight on Islam is a great remedy for those who looks at Islam at a negative light. It is true to its objective which is to be a thoroughly good guide and to be an antidote to prejudice.

And for your information, Karen Armstrong used to be Catholic Nun for seven years. Before you question the credibility of this book, in 1999, she received the Muslim Public Affairs Council Media Award. She was also recently invited by MUIS to come to Singapore to have a lecture with some of the Muslims scholars. The lecture was entitled, “The role of religion in the new millennium.”

I am not so much of a historian but the brevity of her book made it easier for a normal reader like me to appreciate history. And I am astounded by her humility and unbiased stand.

She may Not be a Muslim but she is imbued with the Islamic spirit. May Allah bless her for her courage in speaking so favourably about a religion that is so maligned and misunderstood at the moment.

ISLAM: A short history – Karen Armstrong is definitely a recommended read.

Some excerpts from the book:

“It is true that Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) was one of those rare men who truly enjoy the company of women. Some of his male companions were astonished by his leniency towards his wives and the way he stood up to him and answered him back. Muhammad scrupulously helped with the chores, mended his own clothes, and sought out the companionship of his wives. He often liked to take one of them on expeditions, and would consult them and take their advice seriously. On one occasion his most intelligent wife, Umm Salamah, helped to prevent a mutiny.”

“Emancipation of women was a project dear to the Prophet’s heart. The Quran gave women rights of inheritance and divorce centuries before Western women were accorded such status. Customs such as veiling and segregation of women in a separate part of the house were copied from the Greek Christians of Byzantium, who had long veiled and segregated their women in this manner; they also appropriated some of their Christian misogyny.The Quran makes men and women partners before God with identical duties and responsibilities.”

NS - so far -

2007-11-26T19:41:00.000+08:00

IMAGINE...

I am writing this entry in mind as I cool down after my 5km run with the boys.

Unlock memories of NS Life - so far -

I can proudly say that I have served the nation with the best of my capability and with efforts – unappreciated & unknown to many – for a year and 2 months now.

I believe I have painstakingly planted and reaped the fruits of labour during the course of this one year.

I have never thought I would survive BMT especially the 7 day field camp.

Hell! Never even imagine I would ever wear a beret or don that yellow scarf on my neck for my SISPEC POP Parade.

From the beginning, I gathered knowledge regarding National Service through those who have been through or were currently undergoing NS then.

Horrifying, inspiring… volumes of stories were told and some managed to stick on the edges of my mind in mini fragments.

Those stories I carried with me into TEKONG AND PASIR LABA.

I guess, only when you have experienced it for yourself can you define and prove whether those stories are true or mere exaggerations to make hearts and minds insecure.

Well, it has been a beautiful journey thus far especially with great BMT & SISPEC mates to share your tears, joy and laughter with.

I bet if I was to go to my BMT and BSLC/ASLC bunk a flood of memories will bring back to those memorable days as a recruit/trainee.

A life without responsibilities. A life less cumbersome.

Till today as I stay alive to complete the remainder of my NS experience, I thank God for allowing me to cross my comfort zone and learn to work with people – i.e those who use to look down on me.

Some memories are best treasured unsaid.
Recorded and played in my mind.
For a restricted audience.
Only for my own entertainment.

So if you were to see me smile and laugh out of a sudden, just know that I am reliving back the crazy moments I had with my mates.

Amateur Lover

2007-11-24T23:52:00.000+08:00

Amateur Lover

After many rejected calls and unreplied sms, I’ve decided to pity my old friend and gave him a call. He wasn’t please. I can’t blame him since I’ve been too busy to be a friend to him. I only have only myself to fault.

We had a nice chat after all the apologies and excuses to why I was unable to spend time with him... He updated me of his life.

You know that warm tingly feeling you have inside when someone shares with you his love story. The feeling escalated gradually as he unfolds his story. He sounded so happy, genuinely happy. And he described the love and relationship he has to be pure and innocent.

I wish I could describe or even write everything he said but I believe no description of mine is able to paint a picture of his love for that girl.

It has been awhile hasn’t it? To fall in love. When was the last time I fell in love? I mean really fall in love?

In his own words he said, “If I had a choice between spending a lifetime with an angel in heaven or overcome all odds just to make this girl happy, I will pick the latter.”

He is blinded by love. He believes he has met his soul mate.

Who am I to judge his heartfelt desires?

I wish I had someone loving me just like that…

I feel as if I am far behind in this race in search of true love. My friends have completed lap by lap and I am still an amateur, profusely tyring to finish this one lap.

But again I have myself to blame for this matter. The last time I got someone, I left. Cowardice. I was unable to commit as the demands to fulfill my other worldly desires outweighed my need for true love.

And now I complain not having anyone to love… I deserve to be shot.

Curly, you are missed.

So Near Yet So Far...

2007-11-24T20:57:00.000+08:00

So Near Yet So Far...

I came close to my much-desired-SENTOSA-moment! I met the cousins for some supposed fun at SENTOSA. It was Changi General Hospital’s family day. But before I even continue to complain, let me just share what I had to go through prior to this event.

I had only 2 hours of sleep. And I had one of the worst guard duty experiences. I refuse to even talk about it. But I hate officers with no sense of respect for other people. Fullstop.

And so I arrive with jeans and shoes TO SENTOSA. I know. I was wrongly dress for that day. And they started to tease me.

To cut the story short, I spent the time sleeping. Yup. That was how pathetic I was. We did not even get to ride the LUGE.

Lesson learnt: Never go to SENTOSA unprepared!

So near yet so far.

A Formosan Experience...

2007-11-23T00:58:00.000+08:00

A Formosan Experience...

Taiwan... Just as my feet came into contact with its soil, memories of last April came flooding in. Previous experience of my time in the island reminded me of the pain, the joy and satisfaction of grueling exercises to earn this bloody chevron.

Now this island welcomed me with grey skies, unsure of what is lies before me as a commander. I hated the responsibility but I welcome the challenge.

I shall not go in depth about the many exercises but there is one thing I have to share…

The six men under me were an astounding bunch. I saw them in a different light and I appreciated their every effort. They allowed me to lead. They courageously fought with me when shrubs and lalang stood in their way. They gave me strength with their loud response to my commands and their agile movement deserves nothing but the utmost compliment. I am proud of them and I am humbled by the faith they have entrusted onto me. All were equally good… All special in their own way. (Future entries will have in-depth description of them)

A Formosan Experience: R&R (Rest & Relax)

I wish I had planned my R & R better. Should have included Bhas* into my plans. But nonetheless I bonded fine with Naeem*. (Refer to glossary)

Ximending, Shilin, Wufenpu, LeoFoo Safari Park, Windows On China
What’s new? In fact, there is nothing.

As I shuffled through the streets of all those places, I reminisced my trainee days with my bunch of friends. I remembered how I breezed through the shops with my ‘boleh-tahan’ mandarin. You don’t know how much I have improved ok! Still recount a moment I had with a ‘xiao-jie’ who asked me how am I able to speak mandarin. I simply answered, “I’m Singaporean. My dad is Malay and my mum is Chinese. I can understand mandarin but I can only speak a few phrases in Mandarin” She was amazed and I purposely said all that to get some sort of compliment. Obviously it worked. Haha!

I didn’t shop much. I just wanted to explore. Taipei 101, I would say, was a dream come true. During those SISPEC days we weren’t allowed to even enter the building. Naeem and I paid $450 NT to take the fastest lift in the world only to get a splitting headache from the speed.

But that was not going to stop me from the experience.

It was not new to me. I’ve been up the Petronas Twin Towers and Eiffel Tower. I’m numb to the height. What I enjoy was the wind, the strong forceful wind that hindered me from moving forward. It was a great photo opportunity!

I felt so free. It was as if the wind carried all my troubles away. I wanted to enjoy every moment of it, so when no one else was watching me I imagined as if I was doing a music video. Haha! Thank God no one saw me. It could have been in Gotcha! for all I know. Bhas should have been there! We could have relived the ‘Titanic’ experience.

I really can’t say which Formosan experience was the best. Both experiences were beautiful… both worth a space in my cluttered mind. :)

A break...

2007-11-22T18:40:00.000+08:00

A Break...

I am surprise that I decide to come back into this realm after so long. I guess I need a channel to express myself and an archive of my thoughts. I feel like a virgin, trying out all the functions Blogger has in store for me. I’ve totally lost touch with my html skills and I am too lazy to restart. So I guess I am going to keep a simple blog and gradually add new tools to spice it up.

So here goes…I am in need of a break! I believe many of my comrades and bestfriends would have heard me say this a thousand times. I need a break. I feel as if I’ve been on a endless rollercoaster ride and every time we reach the control station, no one is there to hit the stop button.

I yearn for a day when I am cozily tucked in a sofa with my book in my hand and coffee by my side. There has to be a small coffee table. And oooh what would be great is the woody rustic scent you get when you go into an antique or furniture shop… And to break the monotony some café music would be nice…

A day in Sentosa with friends could also be a great alternative. I’ve always wanted to trek the trails of the island and explore the many attractions they have. The LUGE is a must. The last time I rode that vehicle, it was with the girls. It was great fun! I want my Sentosa trip!

Oh well… You keep whining and yearning but at the end of the day, you can never run away from all the responsibilities bestowed upon you… bullocks! I hate life unable to control my schedule.

Will have an update about Taiwan soon…

I think I did well for someone who hasn’t blog for a while. Hehe! Smiles :P